15/01/2016 11:55 GMT | Updated 15/01/2017 05:12 GMT

All These Gimmicky Period Products Are Giving Me Stomach Cramps

Thanks to my IUD, I don't get periods. But if I did, the last thing I would spend (read: waste) my money on would be a period delivery box or a garish little tin to guard my tampons.

For those blissfully unacquainted with a period delivery box, it's a monthly package full of tampons, sanitary towels and other "essentials", such as a small bar of chocolate or a tea bag.

The boxes arrive pre-period so that you're not caught short. But, last time I checked, us gals are pretty capable of keeping track of the time, but if not we can always use a calendar to remind ourselves, instead of an overpriced subscription service.

If you get caught short just ask someone nearby for tampon. Or failing that, there's nothing a little bit of tissue paper won't solve.

These essentials are not only patronising ("Smile, little lady, here's some choccy for your PMS"), but it would be a hell of a lot cheaper if you bought them independently. It's like one of those delivered snack boxes, but for your womb - wholly unnecessary and overpriced.

As for these tampon tins are concerned (give me strength) I'm not sure what purpose they serve. Are supposed to make menstruating more discreet? If so, why the ostentatious design? Are they to keep tampons from spilling all over your bag? If so, I can just use the little zipped compartment in my handbag or repurpose a tin I used to keep my mints in, thanks.

I have no idea where these products came from or why they keep popping up on my news feed and in irritating press releases, but I hope I speak for all women when I say: enough is enough.

Millions and millions of women have blobbed before us without the need for a gimmicky product, and we certainly don't need them now.

It makes you wonder. Are these gimmicky products the result of entrepreneurs trying to make a quick buck out of the period activism of last year?

If so, they need to remember that 2015 was also the year many of us learned about tampon tax revelation. And frankly, seeing as we're already out of pocket when we menstruate, why would we waste more money?

Women don't need another gender-specific product to add to the shopping list, and besides I'm saving my pocket money for a pink 'Ladyball' so I can finally start playing football.