20/05/2015 19:06 BST | Updated 20/05/2016 06:59 BST

The Irony of Giving


Geez yer money for charity. Irony.

By Paul McDougall (Comedian, Scotland)

I like charity. I give to charity but like everyone else I hate the harassment of it all. Whether it's on the street or being visually mugged of your tears on Comic Relief I really get aggravated by that.

When I am stopped by one of these people in the street I'm aware they are just doing their job. But my word it's like they have been sent to stop you in your tracks and mess with your chi.

They start their scripted spiel and I zone out that's when I often start to hear phrases like 'Do you want to know why it's a bad idea to set fire to dogs in the dark' or similar I don't know I wasn't really listening.

These people should be selling cars or holidays not emotionally blackmailing me for 'the price of 2 pints of beer per week'...

All this culminated last week when I saw irony in all of its glory...

...When I saw a British Red Cross 'collector' wearing a jacket that said 'Refusing to ignore anyone in a crisis' walk straight past a homeless man.



Petitions, what's the point?

By Paul McDougall (Comedian, Scotland)

Petitions... what's the actual point?

Petitions were supposed to be a useful tool, one that we would utilise to make a change, to make the world a better place.

People used to petition for things they felt a deep connection for, but now... people sign any old petition or more specifically any that is shared on their facebook timeline by regardless of the subject they will find the anger inside and join the pack mentality.

Recently I saw that 120,000 people signed a petition to bring back Cadbury's chocolate coins who had decided to stop making them (for publicity reasons most likely, wonder what Cadbury's employee started that petition) only 70,000 signed against the bedroom tax, 100,000 people didn't want Ben Affleck to be Batman AND over 800,000 ridiculous human beings petitioned to get Jeremy Clarkson his job back before he was even sacked.

I want to find the ultimate petition, the petition to get rid of petitions until people use them for things that matter.

People are stupid.



These stories were originally published on by Paul McDougall who is a Scottish comedian based in Edinburgh and has been on the circuit for over 2 years now. His laidback stories are heard in comedy clubs around the country. Read the rest of his stories here:

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