PICTURE THIS. It's Thursday night - the 'new Friday' - and you're out with your friends enjoying after-work drinks at the Jam Tree off the New Kings Road. Seated outside, you're surrounded by a sea of outfits from casual gear to more formal suit wear. You know what I am talking about when I say formal wear? That work suit you wear every day to work, those ironed pink shirts and the smart black annoying work shoes that rub your feet. Now, the majority of these suited and booted characters are men.
Sipping on your vodka lemon and lime, you look up to see Henry standing in front of you. " God, I have literally just come from work!", he says half panting whilst pointing at his grey fitted suit. "God, nightmare, I have just come from work," he repeats again whilst unbuttoning his top shirt button. " I don't usually look like this," he is reassuring me, "Oh no, I don't usually wear this". Henry's friend also feels the need to converge into this conversation, whilst also undoing a few of his top shirt buttons. "Yeah, yeah," he says. "Me too. I peeled from work early."
Why on earth do men state the obvious when they have come from work? I mean, how are you meant to react to such a statement? "Oh really, no, I thought you had just come from the beach? ". On a Thursday night too. This is a 'school night' for the majority of us who work. Trust me, I can see from your outfit! I just don't get it? It is not like men say this when they have just come from another destination. "Hi, I've just come from the supermarket," or "Yeah, me too, I peeled early from the cinema..."
You have knocked back a few drinks, you're feeling slightly 'merry'. You start to get those rosy cheeks and a slight blotchy heat rash on your chest. Basically, you're quite DRUNK! Friends are now dragging you, the majority of them being male, to Raffles, a club on Kings Road. "LETS CUT SOME SHAPES!" shouts Henry as he bends down in an ape like position whilst throwing his hands in the air. Oh, and if your not familiar with the term, ' CUT SOME SHAPES', it means the modern slang for,' let's dance'.
Observing your fellow boyfriends dance, you notice there is definitely a particular male dance code.
Dance like your waiting in line for the loo
The man will shuffle from side to side taking tiny steps and bob up and down occasionally. The movement changes as the man will then awkwardly tilt their head to the right every few seconds. In doing this, his eyebrows will rise with anticipation and his eyes widen. Together this uncomfortable dance routine looks as if the man is waiting in a line for a queue and is just desperate and eager to go to the loo! Yes, Awkward, very awkward!
The rhythmic motion of the up and down of your arms in the air is a definite dance move by many males. If you're not sure how to dance, why not throw your hands up in the air? This move requires no movement of the body. WHY NOT let your arms enjoy all the fun as you watch guys pump away to the beats. Some times you even get some clapping in the air if the song excites the man. In addition to the first pumping, there is always some shoulder pumpers. Shoulder pumpers, you know who you are! These men feel inclined to thrust their shoulders up in a down, oh and quickly! Some times the male shoulder will even mussel up beside you. SAUCY.
The Pigeon bob
The male up and down motion of the head is a classic move by the male who is unsure what to do with his body. He stands there smiling and just casually moves his neck up and down so his head moves ever so gently like that dog from the church hill insurance advert! ATTRACTIVE.