Put the F**king Toilet Seat Down!

10/12/2012 12:21 GMT | Updated 06/02/2013 10:12 GMT

A recent survey by 'Simply Health', found that only 20% of men brush their teeth every day. What teeth-shattering statistics! Men may as well drape bunting around their gnashers and provide a 'welcome' party for gum disease! What's more, I'm afraid to admit that my boyfriend is in the dental hygiene opposed majority.

Every day, the same old routine ensues. Just before we go to bed, I have to physically drag him to the bathroom whilst he's in a zombie-like state because he 'can't be bothered' to brush his teeth. But I do this because not only can neglecting your gnashers result in disease, it can also result in majorly bad breath. And as we know ladies, even us girlies aren prone to the dreaded 'morning breath'. Tricks that you women of the world can partake in when 'morning breath' rears its rancid head are: speaking to your boyfriend on an inward breath, or using the quilt as a barrier for the less than sweet smells. Anyway, where I'm going with this is, that when you haven't sloshed a generous helping of 'Colgate' around your chops your 'morning breath' levels rise from smelling like 'wet dog' to 'toxic waste'.

I find most of his problems do centre around his rather questionable bathroom routine. If it's not his aversion to oral hygiene, it's him leaving me some unwanted 'treats' in the toilet. Another one of his not so endearing habits is leaving his boxers on the bathroom floor. As much as I love you, I don't particulary want to slip over your soiled Y-fronts when I'm trying to get into the shower like some sort of slapstick 'Morecambe and Wise' sketch.

I also don't want your facial hair sprinkled around the sink like fairy dust (even though I think I'd take that at the moment over my boyfriend's moustache-'Movember' has to be the most unattractive month for men, my boyfriend has gone from looking semi-respectable to a chubby version of Freddie Mercury. I'm just waiting for Matthew Kelly to 'poof' out of thin air with the wiry fairy dust and tell me it's all a joke and take those stars out of his eyes and that ridiculous tache off of his face.

But the tribal ritual that I can't abide the most has to be not putting the toilet seat down! So many times have I been greeted by a cold sharp shock when I've accidentally sat down on the rim of the toilet-not realising the toilet seat hadn't been put down, or I've emerged from the bathroom with a wet rear as my boyfriend's decided to so creatively decorate the toilet seat with his bodily fluids in some sort of nightmare'ish version of Kirstie Allsopp's home crafts show.

These are just some of the many things that you have to put up with when living with a man. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not some Germaine Greer type and I won't be burning bras at dawn, but men really are impossible to live with!