THE BLOG
19/02/2016 07:57 GMT | Updated 17/02/2017 05:12 GMT

On a Scale of One to Adele, How Much of a Stalker Are You?

With technology connecting us in so many ways these days, it is often difficult to determine how much contact with an ex is appropriate. This quiz will tell you if you've gone too far. Answer the following questions as if I am your ex-boyfriend.

1. You've called me. Why?

A) It was a butt dial. Whoops.

B) To arrange a time to get my box of stuff from your flat.

C) To tell you I'm sorry, for everything that I've done (to your pet bunny rabbit when I boiled him).

2. The phone call goes to voicemail. How do you begin your message?

A) No message. I'm mortified that I accidentally rang you and I'm deleting your number from my call history so that it doesn't happen again.

B) This is (state your name), I'm sorry to ring you, but I left something at your flat...

C) Hello it's me (no need to identify myself, because you are already aware who has called you a thousand times).

3. Why do you want to interact with me?

A) I don't.

B) Just to clear the air and get closure.

C) To make you feel my love (whether you want to or not).

4. I hurt you. How did you respond?

A) I went clubbing to try and meet someone else.

B) I had a girl's night in and watched funny films with my friends.

C) I set fire to the rain (and by "the rain" I mean your Ford Focus).

5. What goes through your mind when you think about me?

A) I don't know why I fancied you in the first place.

B) We had some good memories that I'll always cherish.

C) Hello from the other side (of your front door. I've been knocking for like a half an hour. Why aren't you opening it up?)

6. What do you think of my new girlfriend?

A) I don't know her, but I'm glad you two are happy.

B) She is probably just a rebound.

C) Rumour has it she has flaming herpes. I started that rumour.

7. How do you get exercise these days?

A) Dancing at the club with all my single ladies.

B) Yoga - it helps me clear my head.

C) Chasing pavements. Well technically, waiting on the pavement in front of your workplace and then chasing you to the car park when you come out.

8. What kind of guy would you like to date next?

A) A funny guy.

B) A romantic.

C) Someone like you. Similar to this life-size replica doll I cuddle at night, crocheted out of your old clothes and stuffed with the beard shavings I found when I went through your bathroom rubbish.

9. How do you spend your time now that you're single?

A) Partying.

B) Reading novels.

C) Rolling in the deep, deep grave I dug for your new girlfriend who may have received a packet of anthrax in the post.

Results:

Mostly A's

Meh. You were staying in the relationship because your ex had a free trial of Netflix and you both liked The Walking Dead. You weren't really that into him and were probably going to dump him after season four anyway.

Mostly B's

The breakup saddened you, but you understand that love hurts. You've got good friends to support you and you're going to be ok.

Mostly C's

You are Adele. The world may forgive your stalker tendencies if, like the famous chanteuse, you have a stunningly beautiful face and voice. However, if your looks are mangled and you sing like Gollom barfing into a slide whistle, expect a restraining order post-haste.