I'm having a Kit Kat moment.
You know, the part where Kit Kat says, "Have a break. Have a Kit Kat"
Well that's exactly what I have done. Family T have gone on holiday for a break, and we took Kit Kats.
Our holiday travel plan included a cruise on a luxury liner to a remote island. Yes you've guessed it, we're on... the Isle of Wight. Whoop Whoop.
So it might only be the Isle of Wight, but a holiday is a holiday. Travelling that little stretch of water makes you feel that you have actually left the country (I know you haven't, but we've left the mainland) and you feel separated, away and given a chance to press the reset button.
I needed to press the reset button; I was exhausted and I needed to recharge my batteries. I'm not the best at looking after myself, saying no and end up running down.
The problem is I'm like a mobile phone where the battery suddenly gets down to 5% without any warning. So you put it on charge but only till about 21% before you start using again. So I'm charged up enough to work but only just.
This doesn't help me and the Saturday before we came on holiday I burned out.
I had got to nearly 0% charge and I knew because I got ill, and my anxiety was all over the place.
I had to cancel a meal with friends and I was meant to be the one giving everyone else a lift. Having to let everyone down made my anxiety worse. Deep down I knew I wasn't letting anyone down because I was listening to my body and mind and knew that I had to look after myself.
I had to start recharging the batteries, my health was starting to be at risk. So I had to be that friend that cancels plans because of their anxiety and accept defeat.
As much as I didn't want to let people down and miss out on a night out with friends, I had to.
So how do you tell a busy person to stop, sit still and recharge?
Well for me it involved sitting on the sofa and not moving. It involved sleeping and lying in bed those first few moments when you wake up and not reaching for my phone.
Since being on holiday we've just taken everything slower, watched rubbish TV and eaten whatever and whenever. Our lunch the other day was waffles and ice cream. Why? Because we could.
Sometimes we have to fit in the box, do the right thing, live up to the expectations of others.
Well this holiday we have thrown all of that out and were doing it our way.
Our way included lazy mornings, trips out, coffee at random times, eating Kit Kats, watching rubbish TV and just being slow. The other night we were in bed by 9.30pm.
This is unheard of in our house especially for my husband who usually doesn't come to bed till about midnight
However I knew it was my body, life and mind finally slowing down and the recharge starting to happen. Not just a little recharge but a full 100% battery recharge.
It feels nice, even though it's a little odd. But it would to someone who doesn't ever stop, who is always on the edge over "What do I need to do next?".
I need to learn from this holiday and I need to take that HUGE step away. Step away from situations that don't help me, stop over-thinking situations, worry less and just RELAX!!!
Sometimes your anxiety won't let you do any of those things, and it winds up and up like a spring until the spring is so tight that you have to let it go (and watch it bounce all over the place causing chaos and mayhem)
But it's okay. The world won't end if you take a break and have a Kit Kat and you give yourself a break. Put yourself on for a full charge. You need it.