07/01/2014 06:51 GMT | Updated 08/03/2014 05:59 GMT

Mentally Strong People: The 13 Things They Avoid

In response to Cheryl Conner's Forbe's article, I quizzed London's high flyers about what separates them from the lower tax bracket untermensch.

In response to Cheryl Conner's Forbe's article, I quizzed London's high flyers about what separates them from the lower tax bracket untermensch.

1. Waste Time Feeling Sorry for Themselves

You don't see strong people waste time on what injustices they've suffered. No, they select their favourite brace of Glock 17s, prepare a collection of witty trigger pulling catchphrases and pack a nutritious muesli bar before setting off to right some wrongs. Besides, strong people NEVER apologise. Not even to or for themselves.

2. Give Away Their Power

Rage Against the Machine once discussed 'taking the power back.' This is why Rage Against The machine is for whinging losers who can't own their destiny empowerment matrixes. Strong people would NEVER give away their power in the first place. Most keep their power in safe deposit boxes in Swiss banks earning tidy power interest. You'll never catch a strong person having a moment of heartfelt sincerity or kissing a child in plain sight.

3. Shy Away From Change

All wrong. Strong people aren't shy, so that's wrong for starters. They are never 'Away'. Home is where they hang their Rolex. They never go 'from' anywhere only 'to' places, because strong people are facing forwards at all times and theirs is the only perspective that matters. Change? Strong people love change. House, spouse, car, kids. It's all expendable.

4. Waste Energy On Things They Can't Control

Mentally strong people never complain about things they can't control. Why? Because there's nothing they can't control. You know mountains? Bernie Ecclestone formed those with his own mighty hands. He did. Honestly. He told me t a charity bash last year.

5. Worry about Pleasing Others

...and not everybody wanted mountains. You know the Himalayas? It was all flat until 1982. Populated by a plains tribe with crippling vertigo. Bernie was like "Gel on, mush" and smooshed up those tectonic plates a treat. And he saw that it was good. And critics were labeled "haterz."

6. Fear Taking Calculated Risks

Jonathan Ross doesn't have a word for 'risk'. He calls them 'whisks.' Why? Because there's no perilous situation he can't beat. Most weak people would never have left insulting messages on Andrew Sach's answerphone luridly besmirching his granddaughter's pristine hymen. JR did, and he got off scot free.

7. Dwell on the Past

Why stress yourself out about things that happened 2 minutes ago? It's too aggravating. That's why they call the past tense. Forget about it. Who cares what William The Conqueror had for lunch or whose wife I slept with just now? The important thing is the future. Ask yourself: "When's the next opportunity for grave financial crime?"

8. Make the same Mistakes Over and Over.

Strong people don't make mistakes. Never have. Never will. Next!

9. Resent Other People's Success

Other people don't have success. They're stealing ideas you haven't thought of yet. They make strong people sick.

10. Give Up After Failure

Strong people never throw in the towel. They don't own towels. They have wind tunnels for any general drying needs. Most successful people don't even get wet. Wet is weakness. Why do you think they're so shiny? Take a closer look. That's right. They're laminated.

11. Fear Alone Time

Strong people treasure the time they spend alone. Whether it's pleasuring themselves to their own full-length reflection or cradling a glass of vintage brandy in front of a bank of CCTV screens, strong people can't wait to be shot of you morons.

12. Feel The World Owes Them Anything

Strong people work hard and succeed through individual merit. Unless they have an old school friend who can give them a leg up. It's a jungle out there.

13. Expect Immediate Results

Strong people have been known to wait for up to 30 seconds without hitting, swearing or resorting to threatening behaviour. But sooner or later the cash machine/employee/sex professional will get a bloody good fist in the face. If you can't take a facepunching get out of the kitchen/crackden/children's party.