21/07/2015 05:16 BST | Updated 19/07/2016 06:59 BST

Mummy Speed Dating


Has anyone seen the media buzz about Mummy Speed Dating? A room full of mums, all of whom are trying to find their new Mummy BFF. Of course something so cool would be happening in New York. But we're cool in the UK. So, let's get it going.

I didn't attend NCT classes with either pregnancy, so I feel like I lost a big part of the British pregnancy friend-making process. I had to use my street skills to make friends - you know, be funny and sarky and keep a stash of chocolate bars to entice other mums. It's a bit tedious going to playgroups and meeting mums at school and having to spend months figuring out who you want in your gang. Mummy Speed Dating would make life a lot easier.

If you had four minutes with each mum, what would you look for? This is how I would suss out my mummy friend soul mate.

BFF Checklist

1. Age Range 25-55.

2. Drinks copious amounts of tea or coffee. And when you are at their house, they always offer you another cup.

3. Is not ashamed to eat the last biscuit or piece of cake, though will always politely offer it to me.

4. Never utters the phrase 'I'm so thin, my clothes just hang off me', nor do they say 'It's so annoying, I just eat and eat and never put on any weight'.

5. Does not have a perfect partner. I like to complain about my husband. Not all the time (though he may disagree with that statement), but every once in a while. And I like to hear that other people have partners who are messy or annoying or forgetful.

6. Loves chatting about a variety of subjects, not just how clever their children are.

7. Has a healthy appreciation of American culture. Doesn't say things like 'Americans are taking over, ugh' or 'You're not bad, for an American'. You can make fun of my accent, but be prepared for me to make fun of your accent too.

8. Enjoys silliness. I like to joke. I don't like people giving me strange looks for acting immature. Also, I think sarcasm, and often inappropriately sexual jokes, are hilarious.

9. Watches crap telly. It's okay if you also watch serious stuff, but I'd like someone with whom I could discuss The Real Housewives.

10. Likes gin. Or vodka. Or wine. Oh, and I adore mojitos. Okay, any kind of alcohol really. I don't drink often, but I do like the occasional night of booze and rude chat. It's okay if you're teetotal, but don't judge me for drinking too much and dancing on a table.

So, if you tick eight of the 10 points on my checklist, then we could be besties. Drop me a line, we'll have a mummy playdate and ride off into the softplay together.