Are you heading off on your holidays over the next few weeks? If so, read my guide to picking the perfect poolside position. Whether it's to maximise sun exposure, the shortest route to the bar or selecting the best view, securing the best sun lounger is an art form.
Pick a seat that will get sun all day as you don't want to fall asleep and wake up with one tanned arm and the other a lighter shade of pale.
Choose a seat next to those with the best tans - they might have been there longer and know which seats maximise sun exposure.
Sit close enough to the path of the wait staff so that you can always catch their eye, but sufficiently far away that you're not in danger of having the pointy side of a cocktail umbrella land it your lap.
If you have tender British skin, make sure you're close to shelter (and that you take it when needed) as there's nothing worse than the lobster look
Sit close to the entry/exit point of the water to ensure direct views of any James Bond-style water exits.
However tempting, avoid the front row of seats to make sure you're not caught unawares by a stray cannonball.
Pick the best view of the landscape as even if the crowd doesn't live up to expectations, you'll still have a good view.
Never sit in direct eye line of unwanted romantic propositions.
If your perfect position isn't available, make it happen. Confidently stride around the pool creating your perfect configuration in the direction you require with available beds.
Dependant upon your sensibilities or nosiness sit, or don't sit, anywhere near the jacuzzi section. You'll be implicated in the action by sheer proximity.
Sitting near the deep end increases splash risk. Sitting near the shallow end increases exposure to stray children. Seat yourself accordingly.
Crucial advice: tip the pool staff so the drinks keep coming.
Image by Jesse Brown from Bevan Howard, a graphic design and illustrations company.
Note: Obviously make sure you are properly covered in sunscreen and don't drink too much around the pool.