It’s officially spring cleaning season, which means time to get into Marie Kondo mode and rediscover the life-changing magic of tidying up. But that’s not so easy when you share your home with children.
We’ve rounded up 35 hilarious tweets from parents about the struggles and triumphs of getting kids to clean.
Me: The house is a disaster. We all need to clean.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 14, 2018
8-year-old: Who's coming over?
Me: No one. We're cleaning for us.
8: But we already know we live like this.
Kids are sponges. Except when it comes to cleaning up their own messes.
— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) June 6, 2017
Kids: *feverishly cleaning*
— TheBabyLady (@thebabylady7) July 21, 2018
I can’t believe it took me this long to realize that all I had to do was turn off the Wi-Fi and now I control the universe.
6-year-old: I’m not cleaning my room.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) July 20, 2018
Me: I don’t like your tone.
6: What does “tone” mean?
Me: I don’t like your voice.
6: *weird Kermit the Frog voice* I’m not cleaning my room.
Weird how my daughter didn’t hear me tell her 72x this weekend that she needs to put her laundry away, but the ice cream truck just jingled its tune 8 blocks away and she Usain Bolted outta here with a fistful of cash no problem.
— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) September 3, 2018
Realistic After Kids Disney Sequels:
— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) August 17, 2018
Ariel Threatens to Take All Her Kid's Thingamabobs Away
Snow White and the 7 Unflushed Shits
Cinderella...Still Cleaning Up After Assholes
When my kids assure me they will clean up their mess, I know how my dentist must feel when I assure him I will floss.
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) January 9, 2019
Time spent cleaning kids crap off the yard is equal to, or greater than, the amount of time it takes to actually mow the lawn.
— No Idea: Daddy Blog (@byclintedwards) July 4, 2018
If cleaning up one room while all the other rooms in your house are being destroyed sounds fun then parenthood is right for you.
— OneFunnyMummy (@OneFunnyMummy) May 18, 2018
Kids cleaning their rooms is 50% complaining about it, 45% getting distracted by the random things they find, 3% cleaning it, and 2% watching their mom mumble profanities under her breath as she cleans it herself.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) January 11, 2018
Kid Fun: Pretend cleaning, pretend trying new foods, pretend grocery shopping.
— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) March 12, 2018
Kid Hell: Actually cleaning, actually trying new foods, actually grocery shopping.
*Cleaning basement*
— MamaFizzles (@MamaFizzles) May 8, 2017
Me: Kids, this is just junk you won't even care about when you're older.
Hubs: Hey, I found my box of childhood junk!
My kids are cleaning their rooms without complaining about it, in case you were wondering how horrifying I can be.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) August 29, 2017
2. My oldest is home sick and is supposed to be cleaning her room, but I very clearly hear her tap dancing to the Moana soundtrack.
— Kate Spencer (@katespencer) January 24, 2017
Dad: "Hey, you're all done?"
— Myrrh (@ixix82) October 21, 2017
3: "Yeah"
Dad: "You finished cleaning up that huge mess of toys?"
3: "Yeah"
Dad: "... Are you lying?"
3: "Yeah"
2-year-old: *hits her sister with a broom*
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 15, 2017
Me: What do you think you're doing?
2: Cleaning.
Well kids, we can clean the house or we can live in a hovel.
— Stabbatha Christy (@LoveNLunchmeat) January 9, 2019
[ten minutes later]
Alrighty then, hovel it is.
Ok kids, for dinner tonight it's "clean out the fridge" night. Everyone grab a Brillo pad. There is no dinner.
— Ken Jennings (@KenJennings) June 20, 2013
My kids make everything a competition.
— 🎄Sarcastic Mommy🎄 (@sarcasticmommy4) October 27, 2016
The only thing they agree to lose at is cleaning their rooms.
Trying to get my kids to clean their room is like trying to knock over bowling pins with a marble
— Salty Mermaid (@Jenn_H_Scott) January 2, 2019
It's often hard to tell whether a kid is cleaning or making a mess.
— HowToBeADad (@HowToBeADad) April 5, 2017
When you punish your kids for arguing by making them clean, they just start arguing about cleaning.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) July 14, 2017
Want to thrill a 3 year old while also not really cleaning your carpet? Let them pick up crumbs with a lint roller.
— dadpression (@Dadpression) March 28, 2017
5-year-old: When can I stop cleaning up messes?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 21, 2018
Me: When you get your own house.
5: You're in it.
I bet the big bad wolf in the 3 little pigs was just a mom tired of waiting on her kids to clean up the little house she wanted to blow down
— Meredith (@PerfectPending) April 24, 2017
My toddler's "play cleaning" is actually just making a big real-life mess.
— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) March 21, 2017
Me: Come on, cleaning up is easy! You just walk around and pick things up and put them where they belong.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) March 6, 2018
8yo: But that’s not my style!
My son says I only had kids so I could make them do chores. Like yes, I made a bunch of messy, whiny poop machines so they could cry while doing a crap job of cleaning that I just have to redo later.
— MamaFizzles (@MamaFizzles) February 8, 2018
"Not only are you not cleaning up, you're actually making more of a mess."
— Molly England (@bluebonetbabies) November 23, 2017
- parents
The kids begged me to play truth or dare.
— Stella G. Maddox (@StellaGMaddox) September 21, 2016
Kid 1: Dare
Me: Clean your room
Game over.
Me: Could one of you help me clean-
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) March 10, 2017
My kids: *have already left the house and begun a new life with the neighbor's less annoying mother*
Me: You’re supposed to be cleaning.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 12, 2018
6-year-old: I can’t right now.
Me: Why not?
6: I’m happy.
I do this really cute thing where I tell my kids to come help me clean, & then I tell them all to go away because they're doing it wrong.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) May 10, 2014
kid cleaning under her bed
— dadmissions (@Dadmissions) January 3, 2018
two seconds later:
"so I was just wondering, how long does it take for candy to expire??"
Have a good day at school, kids!
— The Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) April 30, 2018
Hopefully the toys I’ve been asking you to clean up for two days will still be here when you get home.