15/08/2016 11:10 BST | Updated 15/08/2016 12:11 BST

11 Drunk Texts That Prove You Should Never Let Yourself Near Your Phone After Boozing

Put the phone down.

Alcohol makes us all believe we are God’s gift to words - capable of crafting texts that make people fall in love with us, be our best friend and want to have sex with us. 

The reality: you’ve either given them a solid reason to ghost you or worse, you’ve sent it to the wrong person. 

Now Reddit users have confessed the most toe-curling/phone-smashing/life ending drunk texts their inebriated brains have ever created...prepare yourself.


The Spellcheck One

“I sent my then girlfriend a text that I didn’t spellcheck. Turns out it read ‘I want to kick your puppy till you scream’.”

 - adltrs

The Cat One

“Admitted that I killed a friend’s cat with Anti-Freeze....I did not kill this cat, I only heard of this incident on that night. Needless to say we are not friends anymore.”

- Carrotcakejack

The Open Relationship One

“Was having a conversation with a girl I was seeing who wanted an open relationship, and setting ground rules. Accidentally texted my very conservative Christian mum in detail about threesomes, voyeurism, and exhibitionism.”

-  ComeMyFuneraloplis

The Pubes One

“Photo of my pubes to my ex-wife’s mother. A nice way to break the silence of 6 years after the divorce. ‘These are my pubes, how are you?’”

- Diabetesh

The Landlord One

“I sent my landlord a text declaring my undying love for him.”

- juicylooperloo

The Dad One 

“My dad’s totally gonna know I’m drunk and high” sent text to my dad... He responded, ‘I do now, you dumb ass’.”


The Mum One

“Quite a long text with fairly graphic detail, describing just how much I had enjoyed the blow job I had received from her earlier. Was intended for my girlfriend at the time. Sent it to my mum. I switched the phone off in horror when I realised what I had done. Hoping it would somehow stop it. It did not.”

- tumblefluff

The Flirting One

“’You look like a worm with welly boots on’ to a girl I don’t know at all. Then tried to get her to come over.”

- laidbackIrishguy

The Ass One

“I sent ‘I THOUGHT that was your sexy ass’ to the printer repair contractor at work instead of my boyfriend. They both have the same first name.”

- loveplumber

The Proposal One

“I asked a girl, who I knew had feelings for me, to marry me.”

- levelheadedanxiety

The Absolute Worst One 

“I was drunk at my friends house party. I found a phone on the floor, and decided to take a pic of my dick and send it to the person’s mother. Next day, when I sobered up, my mum asked me: ‘Why did you send me a picture of your dick?’” 

- reammacina

Please drink responsibly. For the facts, visit

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