27/11/2017 14:00 GMT | Updated 27/11/2017 14:00 GMT

Cutting It Fine

Hair is believed to be a woman’s crop of crowning glory. Some of us wear it in long and smooth tresses in the style of an elven queen. Others in big waves like Ursula the sea goddess. There’s the practical bob, ready to take the world on. And then there’s us short crops, preferring to keep things simple with the sole help of a hair product and nothing more.

I first decided to cut my long hair a couple of years back. It was my way of sticking two fingers up to a short bout of alopecia and a chubby face that just didn’t go with lank tresses that I was proud to have never needed GHDs for. I graduated from a cool bob, to a pixie type vertical cut then finally the undercut - not looking forward to the day when it goes out of style because I absolutely love it. Haven’t looked back since and not intending to wear long strands again anytime soon, whether they be real or from a wig shop.

You’d think that using up less shampoo and if ever needed, conditioner and virtually zero hair accessories would make life so much easier. It does but getting there in the first place is an absolute nightmare. Every. Time. I am talking about that dreaded trip to the hairdresser. Keeping hair short requires regular trips to the salon every couple of months at least. For the non hipster top knot lads, who are pretty much used to this regime, it’s barely a tenner for exactly the same haircut I require which is a standard clipper cut. They walk in the barbers, spend barely minutes sitting on a tatty chair, have a set of clippers zip past their hair and it’s job done. Next! But for some reason with me, I need to walk into around five different hair salons to get my hair done. The ladies’ salons require appointments and offer hair extensions, the fellas take one look and point me to ladies’ salons and the unisex salons cost a fortune. Instead of a tenner, I get quoted at least three times as much for asking for exactly the same kind of haircut as my male peers. It never ceases to befuddle me. Do us women have weirdly shaped heads that are too challenging for clippers? Do we require scaffolding just to cut our hair? Is there a Rapunzel insurance scheme that we’re not aware of? Whatever the reason, it doesn’t stop there.

I have only ever got the short cut that I wanted exactly TWICE out of the dozens of times that I have been to hair salons. It doesn’t matter if the picture in the magazine screams short back and sides with a choppy razor top, for some reason a hairdresser is always reluctant to go that far with my hair. It’s never about what I want while sitting in that chair, it’s about keeping that cut feminine and delicate, which usually results in a cross between Tinkerbell and Spock. If I wanted to keep my hair traditionally girly, why on earth would I be asking for an ultra short crop? Snip go the scissors in utter slo mo around my head, while the guy in the chair next to me gets Edward Scissorhands on steroids before paying a tenner for a tidy bonce. About twenty minutes later, with my head being studied from all angles and literally wanting to cry at the next ‘oh but it needs to look feminine’ comment, I finally get a haircut that vaguely resembles what I want. And this is my experience every couple of months. I’ve had less pain threading my eyebrows.

If there are any hairdressers reading this, please bear in mind that not every woman is vying for a glamorous celebrity hairstyle. Not every woman wants to emulate Halle Berry or Miley Cyrus. Not every woman wants ‘flirty’ strand bits and fluffy sideburns to ‘soften’ features. I currently have a regular hairdresser now who can’t speak a word of English, yet knows exactly what haircut I want. Still not below the tenner mark, but much cheaper and faster than someone taking fifty steps to make sure I look like Sinead O’Conner with pretty, rustic toned hair fibres (or something like that).

So for all you ladies planning to get a short crop, I’d say go for it. It’s a stylish move rather than a brave one but don’t let that keep you from telling your hair handler exactly what chop you want. As for reluctance in cutting all that beautiful hair; it’ll grow back as it’s zombified keratin. And there’s always hats. Hats are great. Especially in winter.