That 20something-fast-approaching-real-life-feeling is well and truly upon me and as I flick through Facebook photos of my velour tracksuits, scraped back hair, bad skin and teen loves gone by I'm left wondering how have my relationships impacted on my future?
I've come along way from shouting on the street corner with my boyfriend at 16, smashing my phone in frustration and anger, and crying my eyes out the next. Now I can actually communicate with words that I'm pissed off and I learnt very quickly being that unhappy is not for me.
I've come along way since I found myself in one of those two year 'friendships' (the ones that happen at uni) because I didn't want a 'relationship' relationship. I recognise that was fear. Fear and stupidly liking someone that doesn't like you back.
In our teens we're learning about relationships for the first time with very little explanation of what they are and what they're supposed to be. Most of us have our own parents relationships as a bench mark, and lets be honest the modern family unit has become as confusing for my generation, as finding what supermarket has the best deals on washing powder.
At 20something I've had 3 relationships and 3 not so relationships, and I'm wondering how the first 3 affected the last. I think our relationships do shape our future but its up to us how we let that shape take place.
I spent age 15 to 20 in a relationship. I was a normal teen experiencing young love, I wanted nothing more than to be with my boyfriend, in the awkward no one else matters kind of way, I thought I was grown up and, school, family and friends were not as important as my boy. Not so unusual for a teenager in young love.
At 17 all that changed, when he was sent to prison for 12 months.
I was no longer a normal 17 year old who went out with her friends, my 17th year was spent writing letters, waiting by the phone and traveling hours every other week just to see him. My teen life stopped, my friends disappeared apart from a select few, and I learnt very quickly as a teenager your peers want you to be like them and if you're not, you're on your own. Forget saying no to ketamine, try saying no to hanging out after school because you have to catch the 5 o'clock post to send jail mail.
This is something I've learnt continues as an adult (not the sending jail mail) but, being yourself (if that means going against whats 'normal' ) requires a strength of character that's often difficult to channel. At 17 I learnt how to cope with being judged by my peers, my teachers, my family, and friends, I learnt how not to care. (Or at least pretend not to).
I had a boyfriend in prison, and while this idea might sound somewhat racy and possibly 'prisoners wives' to people in their teens, the reality was much different.
I was labeled boring by friends when I wouldn't come out on Friday night because I had to be up at 6am for a visit on Saturday morning,(something that's stuck with me all my life) when In truth Saturday night drink and drugs just weren't for me. Somewhat ironically it taught me you have to stand up for yourself and what you want and not give in to peer pressure. Go figure.
My first teen relationship taught me a lot about my self, what I wanted from life and who I wanted to be, it taught me about loyalty, and friendship, it taught me about the relationships I wanted, and the relationships I didn't. It taught me I wasn't going to spend my life visiting a prison; it also taught me life isn't always black and white. Most of all it taught me that loving someone is often not enough.
As a teen that was a lot to learn, I know some adults who don't understand relationships or their own feelings in the same way. However have I made the same 'mistakes' in relationships since? Well I haven't had a boyfriend sent to prison, but have I allowed myself to be treated badly in relationships since? Definitely yes. Is that because of my experience as a teen, or, without trying to sound like Tulisa, is it just because I'm young and still learning?
I think, one of our biggest mistakes as people is allowing ourselves to be treated badly, we pass blame too quickly in relationships with he did this to me, she did that, when we are in control of how we want to be treated, and should never tolerate anything less than what we want. We can always walk away.
I think the relationships we have as teens are always carried forward, we learn and grow from all of them we can take away positive things or continue the negative. Me and my friends all have very different teenage experiences but they can all be linked to how we behave in relationships now.
We teach young people all about drugs and sex but miss the vital opportunity to teach them about relationships. Most of us as teenagers, have our first relationship experiences, before we know who we are and many set habits that will effect a lifetime. If we taught young people about relationships and what is a healthy age appropriate relationship for them, I think we'd give them a better chance in life and in love.