30/01/2017 13:58 GMT

Happily Married People Share Their One Piece Of Advice For Newlyweds

'Little things become big when you bury them.'

You’ve said your vows and drank your bodyweight in Champagne, but now the commitment really starts. 

We’ve all heard that a happy marriage takes hard work, so to set you off in the right direction, happily married people have been sharing their top tips for newlyweds.

From communicating about everything to getting your sleeping arrangements just right, here are some of their wise words.

Don’t expect them to be mind-readers. 

“Let the other person know what you’re thinking/feeling daily. Your partner cannot read your mind, don’t expect them to.

“So many fights can be avoided by just using your words. My husband and I always ‘check in’ with each other and ask about the day, feelings for the day, feelings/ideas/hesitations/excitement for the future, etc.”


Buy separate blankets. 

“Separate blankets in bed! Compromise often. Always say I love you and kiss goodnight, even if you’re fighting - helps break the tension and reminds you why you’re truly there.”


Be honest. 

“Don’t get into the habit of lying to your partner, not even about the small things. Don’t try to justify it in your mind that you’re doing it in their best interests to ‘avoid conflict’. Because once the trust is gone, the marriage is doomed.”


Keep things fun.

”Have fun together. Make sure your positive interactions outnumber your negative ones by a factor of 10. Bang lots. Know the difference between loving someone for who they are and loving someone for how they make you feel. Every couple has bad days. Don’t let them turn into bad weeks.”


Don’t bottle things up.

”Share. Little things become big when you bury them, so air out issues, even (especially) minor ones. Be prepared to compromise, but you’ll resent it if walked over, so it’s a two-way street.”


Say ‘thank you’.

”Appreciate your partner. Thank them for cooking dinner/doing the laundry/stopping by the store after work. Yes, even if it’s their normal chore and they do it every day. Never take them for granted.” 


Work as a team. 

“Don’t keep score. It’s not a competition of who screwed up more, who did more housework, or who makes more money. Marriage is a team effort. If you can’t be in it together, then you’ll never succeed.”


Don’t dismiss ‘nagging’.

”Most fights aren’t about what you did or they did. It’s about how you made each other feel. Is your SO nagging you about something insignificant? Maybe. What’s not insignificant is that you refusing to do a small thing makes them feel like you don’t care. Over and over again. That’s how marriages die.”


Do your own thing. 

“Allow them to be their own person and make sure to pursue interests that are yours - you don’t have to share everything. But at the same time, find something that you both love and make time for that as well. Balance is important.”


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