Picture this: you’re enjoying the view of the glittering sea and feel of the hot breeze on your face. Next thing you know, your friend starts complaining: “I hate the beach, the sand gets everywhere.”
Five minutes later it’s: “This cocktail is awful”.
The first few complaints you let wash over you, but a few days in and it’s getting tired. The negativity is too much to bear. You end up trying to find time away from them and it creates a Big Weird Vibe.
Some on TikTok are relating to this concept of holiday ‘energy vampires’ with one creator, Lewis Brown, sharing a video that pokes fun at such negative Nancies.
“Is this all you’ve packed for lunch?” he asks in one scene, holding up a foot-long baguette that looks pretty delicious. “Sun lounger for 20 euros? I’d rather just stand!”
“My ex was a total energy vampire,” said one person in response to the video. “It’s exhausting… especially when you’ve paid for it and put so much time into organising everything.”
Someone else could relate, too: “I had a friend once that got mad about having to walk across a moonlit Ibiza beach to a restaurant…”
What to do if you find yourself on holiday with an ‘energy vampire’
Do you confront them and risk a major fallout, or do you keep your feelings to yourself, stressing yourself out and fuming silently, which can ruin the holiday in itself?
Psychologist and life coach Bayu Prihandito advises scheduling some alone time into your holiday schedule to diffuse the situation.
“This allows you to recharge without directly confronting whoever is annoying you,” he says.
In this instance, you don’t need to worry about calling the person out. “You can frame it as a need for personal space rather than singling out someone in particular and potentially causing unnecessary drama,” he explains.
If they bring up something negative, you might also want to try diverting and steering the conversation towards something more positive.
But sometimes, confrontation can be unavoidable, says Prihandito.
“If you feel that the relationship is valuable and that the person may be unaware of their behaviour, a gentle discussion may be beneficial for both of you,” he suggests.
“Frame it as your own need for positive energy and vibes, rather than as a criticism of them.”
However, if the person has a history of reacting poorly to criticism or suggestions, “it might be more pragmatic to focus on setting your own boundaries rather than confronting them directly,” he adds.
Whatever you choose to do, it’s important to come up with a solution that doesn’t allow resentment to build up throughout the break away.
“In my experience, the best and most sustainable solution is to have an open, honest, and empathetic discussion about the issue, even if it’s difficult,” shares Prihandito.
And when it comes to booking your next hol, you might want to reconsider the invite list...