Dad's Golf Trip 3 Weeks After Baby's Birth Leaves Internet Saying: NOPE

A mum has revealed she's still in recovery from a C-section, but that hasn't stopped her other half from going on a golf trip.
Prasit photo via Getty Images

A fed up mum has thrown her husband to the internet wolves after revealing he’s gone away on an overnight golf trip – just three weeks after their baby was born via C-section.

The disgruntled parent took to Mumsnet’s ‘Am I Being Unreasonable’ forum to say her husband was heading off for two days, leaving her with their newborn baby and two other young children aged four and six.

“Am I right in being upset that he’s going?” she asked the online masses.

On top of that, she said he hadn’t really kept on top of all the housework since their baby was born – which the mum hadn’t been able to do herself having just had major surgery.

While he’d stayed on top of the laundry and dishes, the bathroom hadn’t been cleaned in a month, the carpet hadn’t been vacuumed in weeks, and their children’s toys and dirty clothes were everywhere, said the mum.

“It’s upsetting because I worked so hard to have everything spotless and up to date before I had the baby and it’s all going to rack and ruin now,” she added.

While her mother-in-law is available to help with the older children while her husband’s away, including having them overnight, the parent added: “I just feel like leaving your newly postpartum wife after she has just had a major surgery, to play golf, is a bit selfish.

“I had to grit my teeth watching him pack his golf things tonight. I’m so exhausted and sore, and he’s swanning off to play golf.

“He says not to worry about the housework and he will help when he gets back, which I know he will. But I just feel a bit cheesed off. I think with him being on paternity leave, he really could have been doing more. The house is a state.”

Is this acceptable?

A handful of people thought the mum was being unreasonable because she hadn’t explicitly said to her partner she didn’t want him to go.

One respondent said: “I think YABU [you are being unreasonable] to stew about it if you’ve not told him you don’t want [him] to go ... No one’s a mind reader and measuring people against standards you’ve not communicated because they’re just in your head will never lead to happiness, you have to talk to each other.”
Another person, who has had an emergency C-section and hysterectomy, agreed the mum was being unreasonable.
“He’s gone a night. He’s arranged for your children to be elsewhere so you don’t have to sort them out,” they said. “You’ve not discussed with him about not going or about housework standards.”
But the vast majority were pretty appalled by the move – particularly given the mother is still recovering from surgery.

“I’d be furious,” said one person in the comments section. “Sick of men being applauded for doing the bare minimum. What have you said to him about it?”

Another added: “No – he’s a dick. My husband had a night out when DS [dear son] was 5 weeks old (and had emergency section), I stayed at my parents for the night so I wasn’t alone – but Christ did I make him pay for it. I was miserable, emotional and just a stressed out wreck. He knows not to do the same this time around.”

The same commenter suggested that after eight weeks, such a trip might be acceptable, but not three.

Another respondent noted: “It takes at least 6 weeks to recover from your surgery and he has left you with three dependants. That to me is just plain unacceptable.”

The NHS suggests people who’ve had C-sections might not be able to do certain things for six weeks after surgery, including driving, exercising and carrying anything heavier than your baby.

Communication is key

People who had been in a similar position advised the mum to talk to her husband and clearly convey her needs and expectations – one person even suggested writing a list of everything that needed doing.

“I only know this because I was the same until I lost my absolute shit when pregnant. My husband made me sit him down and write a list of what I needed doing. He’s done it brilliantly without fail ever since,” said one commenter.

“Yeah he shouldn’t have needed the nudge. But it’s meant for a much happier home.”