A parenting coach has spilled the beans on what she believes parents commonly do wrong when they’re trying to get their child to do as they ask.
Annaliese Erin – a parent, trauma and relationship coach – shared a video on TikTok where she told parents that to hold a boundary with their child, they need to move.
Basically, if you’re not getting anywhere with asking your child to do something, you’ve got to get up and make them do something, rather than asking over and over again (and inevitably shouting at them or threatening to take their toys away).
She offered the example of a child getting on top of a table and how she would deal with that.
“Hey bud, I’m going to need you to get off that table please,” she asked, before adding: “You can either get off or I will get up and get you off.”
“Then you will literally get up and get them off,” she said to parents watching the clip, which has been viewed 257,000 times.
“And then ideally you would make sure that they cannot get back up on the table.”
Her video left lots of parents’ questions unanswered, though. One commented: “Any tips on it not becoming a game? When I move my toddler down or away they think that’s funny.”
Another asked: “But doesn’t moving show them that they’ve found a way to irritate you and they’ll use it in future?”
One mum said: “I do this but then my toddler has a full meltdown and will throw himself on the floor. What would I do when he does that?”
Some also took issue with the fact she had described not moving to enforce a boundary as “lazy parenting” later on in the video.
“I hate how you call it ‘lazy’ parenting!” said one commenter. “It is a parent who is exhausted!”
Another added: “I agree with this [video] except the part where you call it lazy parenting. We’re just burnout out and have no village ma’am.”
Why should you enforce boundaries?
Boundaries are important for kids because they help to teach them what is appropriate behaviour. According to Growing Early Minds, boundaries can also help children feel safe and can support them to get ready for the real world.
Other ways to set healthy boundaries include:
- being clear when it comes down to what you expect of your child
- setting rules, limits and routines and sticking to them
- being consistent with your boundaries
- using positive language (for example, telling your child “please walk” instead of “don’t run)
- giving children choices so they can feel in control
- sympathising with them – ie. “I know you are cross, but I won’t let you hit your brother”
- being warm and firm (with a serious facial expression), but avoiding yelling
- and praising your kids when they do the right thing.