You probably hate me.
I'm one of those people who uses Facebook to quote my kids when they say cute and funny things, or to complain when it's raining and I've been stuck in the house with them for hours on end.
I know, I know, Not everyone finds them funny. I chose to have kids. I chose to stay at home with them.
Everybody hates Facebook these days. Not just my mum--who still refers to a status update as an email--but the ones who are actually on it. All the time.
High on the list of grumbles is the "mummy update."
"I do not care you've been up half the night with your kids!" says a single and childless New Yorker of her "proud-mummy" Facebook friends. "And they are not as hilarious as you think."
That's a bit harsh, I say. Allow me to explain why Facebook plays such an important role to mums like me.
Recently, my husband was away on business. My toddler was awake every two hours in the night and my pre-schooler was staging epic tantrums during the day. After a week of this, I felt alone and desperate. I needed to tell someone. I didn't have time to write an email to a select group of friends and family--I was only in the loo for a minute and Thing Two had eaten the butter. My children were squabbling over who should be sitting on my knee as I sat down at the computer and typed: "I feel like I have malaria, but no, I just have children."
10 minutes later, a bunch of friends had "liked" my status, a teacher-friend said she was "dying!" (of laughter).
I felt better. I found the energy I needed to make it through the rest of the day.
For full-time mums like me, networks are invaluable. There are other places that we go to hang out--the play ground, the library, school--but let's face it, they don't call us "Stay-at-Home-Mums" for nothing; we spend a lot of time at home. Facebook, can be a lifeline. I'm not proud of that--I know it's not cool--but there it is.
I'm one of those mums who has very little in the way of back-up--by which I mean family nearby. There is no free babysitting, or sleepovers at grandma's, the last time I saw a movie was in 2009 on my wedding anniversary when we splurged on a babysitter. We go out for dinner once a year when my parents visit. Facebook is one of the few places that I can have a conversation without being interrupted.
And while I am working 24/7 to take care of my kids, their grandparents, and uncles and aunts and cousins are missing out on them. Facebook is a poor substitute for seeing my kids in person, but it's better than nothing. When I report how Thing One has told a woman in the dentist's waiting room that she is a lady who looks like a man, or post a photo of her after she has painted herself entirely blue, it helps her faraway friends and family to feel connected.
These updates give insight into my kids' personalities, the ways in which they are growing and learning, the stuff that is so magical, I want to share it with those who love them.
That said, I can understand why mummy-updates irk people. I don't need daily updates of your pregnancy, and if you are having a special outing with your child, please don't provide photos every 15 minutes, otherwise, it ceases to be a special outing between you and your child. Stop with the potty talk and the vomit schedule - I have a high-tolerance for that kind of stuff, but let's give the children a little privacy. And those of you posing AS your children on Facebook - just stop it, right now.
I self-regulate, so that I am not constantly broadcasting on my children. I try to be funny and to have a little objective distance - that, I think, is key. If you can make people laugh, you can get away with a lot.
The trouble is, I'm still irritating some people. At a guess I'd say it's these ones: the childless career women, a few mums who feel strongly about not letting their children "define" them (who do they think they're kidding?) the New Yorkers, checking their MePhones in bars and hating everything.
I feel bad about that, but not bad enough to stop.
Here's a better idea: Why don't you take a minute now, to delete me from your friends list? Put down that cocktail - what is it, a cosmo? I remember those - and press the thingamajig that gets rid of me. I won't be offended, I won't even know, that's another good thing about Facebook.