The first few months of new parenthood can be hard. Parents have found themselves with this brand-new human that can’t articulate what they need, is taking in the world for the very first time, and is 100% reliant on their parents for every single one of their needs. While these months may be some of the most magical, they can also be incredibly stressful and, it turns out, filled with advice. Both helpful and very unhelpful. We spoke to some new parents about which advice did, and didn’t help them in those crucial months.
“Sleep When The Baby Sleeps”
This extremely common advice came up more than any other among the parents we spoke to with Caitlin, a mother of one, saying “when is the cooking and cleaning going to get done?!” and Andrew, a father of two, adding “this is the only time to do the things you need to do without a baby attached to you!”
“Breast Is Best”
Despite studies showing that the impact of breastfeeding is often overstated, “breast is best” is still a very popular piece of advice that’s given to new parents and according to Natalie, a mum from Glasgow, “I was already struggling with PTSD after a traumatic birth and my inability to breastfeed (for a variety of reasons) made me feel like an utter failure.”
“That Baby Should Be Wearing A Hat”
Of course, we all know that protecting ourselves and our children from the elements is essential and that’s perhaps why it isn’t necessary to tell new parents what their child should or should not be wearing. Jo from Glasgow said “yes, I know, he won’t.”
The Advice That Did Help
Freezing Vegetables
I’ve slightly cheated here because my own mum - who has been a mum for 33 years - got in touch with the advice that saved her when she was a teen mum. She said, “cook off any vegetables like sweet potato when you have the energy, puree them and then freeze them into cubes to be microwaved whenever the baby (or you) needs to eat.”
“It’s Fine To Be Good Enough”
70% of new parents experience mental health problems including anxiety, post-natal depression, and dips in self esteem. This makes a lot of sense given how much of a dramatic change becoming a parent is but of course, this can make some parents feel like they’re not enough. Anna told us a piece of advice that reassured her was “it’s fine to be a good enough parent.”
“You Can’t Have It All”
Natalie added that the best advice she received was that you can only ever have two of the following at the same time:
- Sane Mum
- Happy children
- Clean home
… Phew!
How To Help Your Friends Who Just Had a Baby
Instead of offering potentially unhelpful advice, maybe consider being a practical source of support to your parent friends. According to My 1st Years, some helpful things you can do for your friend are:
- Never stop by unannounced. Instead, ask if it’s okay to visit and keep your stay short.
- Always bring food and make sure it’s freezer-friendly
- Run any errands that need to be done
- Help around the house by doing bits of housework to lighten their load
- Offer to have the baby for a while if the parents want to nap, shower, or simply have a breather
- Look after the older sibling if there is one
- Play it cool with advice