“Please” and “thank you” are among the first words we’re taught as kids. They’re the building blocks of politeness, a sign of good manners and thoughtfulness for others.
Sitting down to write your thank you letters under the beady eye of a parent after Christmas or a birthday was a childhood ritual for many of us.
But could the latter be falling out of fashion? When someone sends you a gift, cooks you a meal or invites you to their wedding, do you even follow up?
Thank you cards are becoming a thing of the past, according to new research that finds 73% of Brits confess they no longer send one after receiving a present, while more than half (51%) say their kids do not bother either.
Apparently we’re all too “busy”. A quarter (25%) of Brits gave this excuse for why they don’t express their gratitude via a card or letter, while 18% believe that thank you notes after attending a wedding party are no longer “relevant”.
As for that wedding present you took with you? You might be waiting months for an acknowledgment. It goes both ways, you know!
In fact, 84% of 2,000 respondents surveyed agreed with the sentiment that saying “thank you” is becoming redundant in the modern world – with fewer of us expressing gratitude for everyday things and acts.
However, those on the receiving end don’t always feel the same. The research by SendWithGratitude.com (as an online gifts service, admittedly it has skin in the game) found three in 10 people have been left feeling insulted when someone didn’t thank them for a gesture they felt was meaningful.
Almost a quarter of people reckon they’re unlikely to receive thanks after hosting a dinner party, while almost a fifth (18 %) of us have been stunned to have sent someone flowers and received no acknowledgement at all.
Despite so many Brits thinking a thank you in the post isn’t important, Emily Bain the founder of Bain and Gray, a recruitment firm for secretaries and PAs (who are often left sending the thank you letter) believes they still are.
“When you receive a gift for a wedding or birthday should you send a thank you card? Absolutely yes. This is the height of good manners,” says Bain.
“A timely thank you note with a specific mention of the gift and personal reference to the sender remains the correct way to thank a person.
She adds: “While we may have moved on from some traditional forms of etiquette, good manners never fall out of fashion.”
If thank you cards feel a bit formal to you, consider the relative effort the other person has made. Bain believes they’re appropriate on any occasion when people have gone out of their way for you. “For example, hosted you for an evening, or done something specialm gone the extra mile, used their black book, done a favour or the obvious: gifts, events, overnight stays,” she says.
In a world where we’re encouraged to practise gratitude in our lives through self-care, reflection and journalling, there’s an irony to not expressing it to others. Bain think it’s sad that people don’t see the importance of “thank you”.
You needn’t even use those words – as long ago as 2013, the Guardian was reporting on those two little words falling out of favour for alternatives like “cheers”, “ta” and “nice one!”. But it’s the sentiment that counts, Bain says.
“A thank you goes such a long way,” she urges. “It makes people feel appreciated. To receive a letter on your doorstep is a real boost to your day.”
And it’s equally important we teach thoughtfulness to the next generation, and that, no, sometimes a quick text really isn’t enough.
“It is so important to put pen to paper and to continue to educate our children how and when to write,” she says.
“While online messaging is a way of communicating and can be used as a platform to say a short, quick thank you, nothing beats a handwritten note in a card or a letter to show your appreciation.”