A few people have been asking why I use the term "breaking the negative cycle." For me this term represents everything that I do in youth work explained more clearly through my teenage experiences. Growing up in Hackney I was witness to the effect of negativity outshining all the positives in the borough.
In 2001 The Crib youth project was barely two years old, and the place was packed with young people from all over Hackney. Watching Janette and Karlene, who founded The Crib, taking in young people no matter how bad they were and giving them a chance to make something of themselves had an impact on me.
At the time, being surrounded by both positive and negative people, I had to filter through the mess to discover what I needed to lead my path to success. Eventually everyone dispersed, some chasing their dreams via university, work or setting up businesses, while others chose to stay or join the negative cycle.
After going away to study and returning to the area, I started working for The Crib with the set of new young people who are now part of the project. Observing them for a while, I noticed that things hadn't changed much from my time: negativity was still rampant. Some of the young people were focusing all their energy on the wrong things, which could lead to prison or, worse, death.
Now with the opportunity to make a real difference, I was thinking of ways to break the negative cycle. This spurred me to start the consequences program, using knowledge I had acquired from past mentors, books and parents. Tackling issues like youth violence, gang culture and peer pressure I created effective ways to help shape these young minds to strive for success using relevant and inspirational methods.
I aim to break the cycle of:
Doubt
Where young people believe they cannot achieve because the fear of failure consumes and prevents them from even attempting. I remind them that "they cannot win if they do not play", showing that you can succeed if you truly believe and put in the hard work. I do not believe in the saying "if it was meant to be it will be" - my logic is if it was meant to be then by working hard you will make it happen. When I was contemplating writing my book, I was told, "do people still read? Are you sure people will buy books?" I refused to listen to the doubts and persisted in my aim until I accomplished it.
Excuses
Young people constantly hear that they cannot be the best because they do not have what it takes, or that the rich have more advantages to succeed. They are repeatedly informed that their history, racism, convictions, slavery, ethnicity, provides no escape route. To break this cycle we need to lead by example. As I've said many times, the children are watching, so we need to lead not just by what we say but by what we do.
There so many reasons to explain why people use excuses to stay in the negative cycle. To overcome these barriers you need the right tools to take them down, the right mindset, knowledge and the right people around to to help you move forward. You must use the negative situation and convert them into tools to push you further. Knowing my history gave me a sense of pride, knowing all the great things that were done by my Dad with little or no education - not by choice but by circumstance. I had no excuse, having all these opportunities to succeed. No matter what situation you are in, you have to believe that you can come out of it. With that seed in you then, at least you have broken the cycle and can move forward with attempts to success.
Blame
We live in a world where it is easy to blame someone else for the problems or social ills that we face. The government and the police blame parents, parents blame the schools, young people blame everyone. If we cannot work together, how can we expect anyone to follow suit? To break the cycle I feel everyone needs to first respect each other, no matter what race, religion or class they come from. Without respect we have already failed. From there we can then concentrate on the real task, allowing everyone to concentrate on what is in their control. Before I point the finger I need to make sure that my house is in order. So the government will do all they can to make sure provision and funding are available to help young people acquire jobs.
To the parents: making sure they are doing all they can to be providers and protectors, making sure they instill good values and morals, so when the time comes that child can make the right choices.
To the police: working closer with the communities to ensure that the people they are supposed to be keeping safe feel their presence in a positive way.
To the young people themselves: making sure that they respect those around them and get their voices heard in a more productive and positive way.
To the youth worker: providing support and being ready to help with that extra push when needed.
When everyone is doing their part, no matter how small it is, and we are all communicating effectively then we can break that cycle. I feel we can achieve more together when we do not blame or care who takes credit for good results.
To those who are welfare dependent and in poverty, you cannot rely on anyone to make your bad situation go away, you have to be ready to do something about it. Accept help in form of welfare if needs be - not to live on but as a lifeline to get past that period of time. Handouts will not take you out of poverty. Ultimately, setting yourself with the right tools to succeed, whether that is in education or investing money in business to create your own wealth and putting yourself in a position where you create jobs for others. Then we know we are breaking these negative cycles.
For me it is all about your mindset: if you are ready, the difference is between accepting the cards you are dealt or being willing to strive for a new deck. So I will leave you with a story I was told not too long ago.
Two brothers were raised by their father who was a drunk, abusive, dependent on welfare and had gambling addictions. Eventually the two boys grew up totally different, one became a successful businessman, the other became a carbon copy of this dad. They were asked one question, How did you end up in the situation your in now? They both had the exact same answer, despite their different situations. They both said, "look at my father, why wouldn't I end up like this?"
The one that ended up like his dad decided that he would doubt himself, makes excuses and blame his father. This route took him into the negative cycle and if care is not, taken his children will end up in that cycle too.
The one that became successful had a different mindset. He used the negative in his life and used it as an inspiration to succeed. Overcoming doubt, excuses, and blame. He had ambitions and the belief he could succeed.
So, remember to do your part to break the negative cycle.
Consequences, Breaking the Negative Cycle available on Amazon.