I finished my Sunday evening watching the promising bbc horror series the fades while systematically wiping down the dvd collection with dettol wipes. My god daughter has taken to slinging them, pretty far for her tiny arms, out the comfort of their own homes onto the floor below. Some suffer the additional violation of a gumming. With three tiny teeth it's less of a gumming these days.
I checked the wipes were suitable for the task and it says you can use them on areas of food preparation and baby high chairs which I reckons a green light. I'd hope the active chemicals will have faded overnight and still be less harmful than bugs and bacteria that may have accumulated on the disc covers after falling to the floor.
Who'd have thought I'd be doing this task ten thirty of a Sunday night, wiping down dvd cases. Who'd have thought a cute baby would come into my life in such an unconventional way, from an ex, with a guy from a few dates.
Its hardly poetic but the times and struggles since have made this far more interesting and rewarding. How circumstances sound to the outside world is pretty trivial, new worries abound as perspectives have changed.
There are the obvious dangers of this world I don't have to list, I don't worry about much of those at the moment. I know I will!
I just worry at some point she'll be sitting somewhere crying and I won't be able to help. She's not scared, I don't think that. I worry she's at school and won't fit in, will be lonely. I think it stems from my own experiences, something quite upsetting has happened and I am incapable of helping.
Its one worry I have now and I am sure there are plenty more to follow. As she gets older there will be plenty more exposure to the risks of this wonderful and horrible world.
Where does one draw the line. I am worrying for a baby that is not mine but I feel a fatherley duty toward. I expect almost anyone who lives with a baby feels the same and like me find themselves doing little things they wouldn't normally do just to help out and keep someone special safe. I guess its because I won't always be there to wipe the DVDs, my biggest fear is that I won't always be able to help.