From lecturing women who don’t drink about why they should, to eating like a hamster preparing for winter hibernation, guys please take note.
He Took Four Or Five Bites Before Chewing
“Date was going great, nice guy, really sweet, very smart.
“When he ate he took like three or five bites at a time before chewing. He filled his face as full as legally possible. His cheeks would bulge out and he could barely keep his lips shut. You could see all the food mashed up and grinding around through his little mouth hole.
“I knew in that moment that I hated him.”
He Was High
“He showed up remarkably, extravagantly, supernaturally high.”
He Kept Making Me Justify Why I Don’t Drink
“Guy offered to buy me a drink. I don’t drink, and had told him that before I agreed to go on the date, so I figured he’d just forgotten and I politely reminded him. But then he wouldn’t let it go and kept making me justify why I don’t drink.
“It got as far as him saying he couldn’t think of any reason I would need to be able to think clearly before I noped the hell out. It’s really a shame because prior to that he seemed really nice.”
He Showed Up With An Overnight Bag
“I met this guy off Tinder, he showed up to my house with an overnight bag.... And then it was over before it started.”
His Eyes Were Fixated On My Boobs
“I was around 15 and went out on a date with a 17-year-old boy. It was the first date of my life and I was pretty stoked, he was really fun and I thought it would be super sweet. I barely knew him though.
“Anyway, we were sitting at this bench next to a streetlamp, talking about our lives and stuff, but he couldn’t look me in the eye at all. His eyes were fixated on my boobs. It was so uncomfortable. Sometimes I’d just stop talking and he didn’t even notice. I told him I had to go home and never spoke to him again.”
He Didn’t Brush His Teeth For Three Days
“E-flirted with a guy for a while before we met up. He seemed like a nice enough guy and we had a few things in common. Went on a trip together but had separate hotel rooms. I figured if he was nice enough, we might have sex.
“He forgot his charger, toothbrush, razor for the three-day trip. Seemed a little irresponsible but he could always go out and buy a spare. He didn’t. He didn’t brush his teeth for THREE FUCKING DAYS. I ended up buying gum and offering it to him at every opportunity.”
“Now one fart, that’s just hilarious. But multiple farts, making it sound like your digestive system is going to explode - combined with the smell of a thousand rotting corpses - just... no.
“I don’t date much, and he was a good guy. I just couldn’t get past the endless farting.”
He Wrote Me A Poem
“Second date: wrote me a poem and made me read it in front of him, it had lines about holding me and how great it was. He hadn’t touched me yet.”
He Got Annoyed When I Tried To Respond
“Nice guy, nice date. Except that he got annoyed every time I interrupted him to respond to something he just said. It was impossible to keep a conversation going because he would ramble on and when he was finally done talking I had at least three different things to respond to.
“The conversations couldn’t evolve because he didn’t allow me to jump in with answers, counterarguments or points of view.”
He Told Me How Yummy I Would Taste If I Was Cooked
“Don’t hold and lick the back of my hand on the first date. Then, proceed to tell me how yummy I would taste if I was cooked.
“I appreciate the romanticism but nope. NOPE. NOPEEE. Outta there ASAP because I was not about to be Hannibal’s next meal.”
He Told Me He Loved Me
“It was our first date.”
He Was Obsessed With His Car
“He invited me over to his house to hang out and play video games. We had been out with mutual friends before, but this was our first time alone. We ordered pizza and I was playing video games, but he was obsessed with his stupid car and every 30 seconds he stood up to look at it out the window.
“Nobody was around. It was a well it area. He just liked his car that much.”
I Have A Seafood Allergy. He Ordered Seafood
“I went out on a first date to dinner with a fellow I had been talking to online for weeks. I have a deadly seafood allergy and even the smell of fish makes me feel ill, which he was well aware of since we had discussed it a few times.
“He ordered seafood chowder. I could barely eat my food because of the smell.”