If you have been feeling unfulfilled by your friendships lately, it probably isn’t your fault, or theirs, or anybody’s. In fact, it may just be because you haven’t identified which kind of besties you have and the purposes they serve in your life.
This might sound a little too out there but stay with me. The ‘Six Besties Theory’ suggests that in life, we have six different types of besties that we have for different purposes in our lives, potentially without even realising.
According to TikTok creator Hayes Robinson, this theory has made her ‘feel more supported and loved’ by the people in her life.
The Six Besties Theory
Now, you might be thinking to yourself that you definitely don’t have six people you’d define as besties but you may be surprised after reading Robinson’s definitions of these different friendships.
First we have the OG bestie.
The OG bestie is the person you’ve stayed friends with for the longest. They are likely somebody you grew up with or went to school with and while they’re likely not somebody you talk to every day, as Robinson says, “your bestie status was ‘rooted in the past’ and ’they love you, you love them”.
Then there’s the North Star bestie.
This person has many of the same traits as the OG bestie but you could have met recently and they gained their North Star Bestie status by accepting you as you are, never putting pressure on you to show up a certain way.
The North Star bestie is rare and as Robinson says, “I think the first step in feeling better about your friendships is recognising that not everybody is going to be your North Star Bestie.”
Now, there’s the Work bestie.
We love a work bestie. The person you go to gossip with when there’s drama in the workplace and as Robinson puts it, “somebody to share the load with”. She adds that a work bestie is the perfect example of why we have different besties for different needs adding, “you’re splitting up your tentacles so that you have more people to go to for the things you need in life.”
The Good Times bestie
When you read those words, did somebody immediately spring to mind? Same. The good times bestie is exactly what it sounds like. The person who’s down for adventures, acts as a wingman and as Robinson says “will travel with you to that cocktail bar to get the drink that smokes.”
However, she is keen to emphasise that this person is not “dumb, toxic, a bad influence”. Adding that while this person might know what’s going on in your life, they’ll show up in their way for you which might not be your way.
The Good Times bestie it turns out is often useful for learning boundaries with. As the creator says, “she’s your Good Time bestie, and it’s okay if she doesn’t have the perfect words, if she doesn’t know your trauma. She can still be a best friend – a dear friend – and not do those things for you”.
Acknowledging who this person is, and what they bring to you, will make you understand the importance of spreading your needs out when it comes to friends.
The Dead Body bestie
If you’re looking for somebody to go to with a shameful secret, a serious regret or a wild thing that you want to do, you know that you can go to the Dead Body bestie because they’re there for you regardless.
Robinson adds that this person could be somebody you’re “not connected to anymore outside of that sacred connection. This bond is special because it transcends niceties”. Lovely! We think!
Finally, the Seasonal/Similar Ambition bestie
If you’re going through a big life experience, you likely have a Seasonal/Similar bestie experiencing the exact same thing. This could be studies, it could be parenthood or training for a marathon.
As Robinson says, “Seasonal means the season of your life — someone who is walking down the same path that you are right now,
“It’s a person who you can nerd out or commiserate with over this shared season of life that you’re in.”
Robinson adds that this kind of friendship is “one of the most important” ones to have because as we go through life changes, we might feel that our other friends just don’t understand us anymore but, realistically, they’re just not relating to the specific season that we’re in and that’s fine!
Time to reassess our friendships and our expectations.