11/07/2014 10:29 BST | Updated 09/09/2014 06:59 BST

The Daily Grind


Wake up, shower, breakfast, school run, work, school run, kids tea, supper, TV, bed. As creatures of habit most of us rely on the daily grind, doing the same thing every day. Over and over. I like it, but every now and again I get totally fed up with the monotony. Generally habits make us feel safe and secure, we know what's coming next and we are comforted by that. But once in a while - about once a quarter for me - I don't want to know what's coming next, I want a surprise, a change, a break from the sensible and reliable path I travel.

From what I gather from via my trusted sources, the same can be said for our bedroom antics for couples in long term relationships. Pumpage is getting predictable. Yes, it's still fun but we follow the same routines when it comes to getting jiggy. We all know the drill and we can rely upon solid, consistently good sex with our partners doing pretty much the same thing every time. I'm not knocking it, it's still great, but sometimes we need to blow the lid right off the rumpy regime.

Remember folks that your long term lover will be impressed with a new manoeuvre so take inspiration from where you can. Copy something you've seen in a movie or a saucy film. Say something unexpectedly filthy, wear some new, not grey underwear. Embrace the unpredictable and unexpected even if it's out of your comfort zone. (If you decide to lure them in to the bushes at a wedding make sure that the floodlights from the marquee aren't shining on you. You might feel like you're in the dark but you are in fact in the spotlight, as a friend of mine realised after she took her boyfriend outside for a special treat and inadvertently provided a live show for the rest of the wedding guests).

Sexual complacency is not a place we want to be. We must remind ourselves as our relationships mature not to get too settled before we end up wearing indoor shoes. We still need to make and effort and impress our partners with our prowess, after all, we don't want them being tempted to have more exciting nookie with somebody else better than us. Somebody else with upgraded vigour and passion. Why be economy when you can be first class? Cast your minds back to when you first met, remember the way you made each other feel. In order to seal the courtship deal we went all out to get the prize and we need to re-engage that hunger.

So what do we do about it? I was going to discourage a knee jerk reaction to suddenly transform yourself in to a sex addicted to a porn star, but upon reflection particularly for the men, this would be like catching condcorde to utopia so if you have the energy girls then go for it. But for a more gentle approach throw in a few new moves, initiate something fun, somewhere new. This could be as simple as a teenage style pashing session against the kitchen counter while the asparagus is steaming.

Do something, anything, surprise yourself. Be the bird of paradise. You'd be amazed what you can do. Just don't rest on your love laurels.