So no one told you life was gonna be this way?
"Friends" finished just under ten years ago and fake "news" of a reunion clutters the Social Media networks as much as the girl on your news feed who is selling fruit supplements.
Why are we so obsessed with reuniting fictional characters and losing weight? Well the latter may need its own blog but for now let's talk about;
Friends: The one with the reunion.
I have a theory. Yes that's right a theory about a late nineties/early noughties sitcom. That theory is that; we're obsessed with "Friends" because it's everything we want our friendship group to be. However we were gutted about the ending because it was too similar to our friendship groups in real life.
Chandler, Joey, Monica, Rachel, Ross and Phoebe went their separate ways when life got in the way. (Or the actors got bored but I can't talk about that - it hurts too much).
Now if you're like me and you're feeling a certain way; the song on the radio, the newsreader and that episode of "Friends" speaks to you. It relates to what you're going through at the moment in time. You know if it hasn't been your day, your week, your month or even your year.
Maybe I'm just a narcissist?
Anyway it won't surprise you that I was watching the final episode of "Friends" recently and I'm applying sitcom logic to my life and what seems to be a perpetual tub of Häagen-Dazs.
Don't judge me. Men can eat their feelings too.
It just occurred to me that all my mates are now getting married, having babies, landing jobs of a life time or you know...getting their own spin off.
The font of all knowledge that is Uberfacts claims that when (if) you fall in love you lose an average of two friends. Now having never fallen in (reciprocated) love I'm in a state of paranoia as I wonder whether I'm the casualty of such a statistic. How many times have I fallen by the wayside because one of my dear friends has found their soul mates? I can't help but feel that is incredibly selfish on their part. The test is to see if you receive a wedding invite. If you don't you're out.
Jobs take you far and wide. I mean Rachel was about to go to Paris for goodness sake. Some of my mates have only ventured as far as London and Reading but there is a shift as you acclimatise to what essentially is a long distance friendship.
Can everyone stop doing that please?
I know I have a flair for dramatics but if I have to chase you all to the airport/train station every time you decide to move on - I'd never get anything done. Let's all just agree to stay together. You know who you are.
Don't get me started on the ones who do stick around though. They take root. They buy houses and talk about how expensive everything is. Stop it. You're exacerbating my quarter life crisis.
I love babies. Don't get me wrong babies are great.
You can sense the "but" coming can't you?
I'm awkward around newborns and their heads never quite fit into the crooks in my arms. Oh who am I kidding? Newborn babies terrify me. I have an irrational fear I might leave one a bus. I've reached that age where there are a lot of them about as well. When did that happen?
They're super clever or super cute or...neither but we don't mention that if that's the case. They are everywhere and they're a big stumbling block in friendships. However fewer Saturday nights out pale in comparison to the unconditional love.
So babies get a pass.
I don't know if the cast of "Friends" will ever reunite. I like to imagine they will.
Otherwise I'll be freaking out like Joey and asking for a room in my friends' house even though I'm a grown man. That's not a bad idea actually, you know just until I find love, or a job abroad or...