The Blog

The Comparison Trap

We could have more than enough money in our lives, but then we see in a magazine that this celebrity has now brought a car that we love the look of, and we compare our car to theirs and we feel we don't have enough, we suddenly wish we had that car, not them.

Do you ever have those days where you are feeling unfulfilled and you load up your Facebook or Instagram account and begin scrolling through, only to then feel even more unfulfilled because of the amount of seemingly amazing shit that everyone else seems to be doing?

Yeah.... Me too.

Comparison doesn't feel good.

Whether it's us living an amazing experience and comparing ourselves to others that aren't, or whether we are comparing ourselves to those experiencing something amazing, and we aren't, it just doesn't feel good.

When we compare ourselves to others we begin missing the beauty of every new moment that we are experiencing, we may have the most amazing "small moments", but suddenly feel those moments lack something great, because we just saw our friend jumping out of an airplane into the Grand Canyon on their Instagram story.

I am not enough.

When we compare to others, we are living a story of "I am not enough", we begin searching for it, all the ways that we aren't yet enough, or of course that this moment isn't enough, not enough to feel satisfaction, not enough to receive and give love, not enough to feel freedom and fulfilment.

We could be sipping our favourite drink in a jacuzzi overlooking the water in Fiji with our lover and still feel a deep dissatisfaction, because it's just not enough (in our minds at least).

We miss the lives we live because we are in a state of comparison because deep down we feel we could never be enough.

But what is enough?

What needs to happen in our life for it to ever be enough?

What is the quantity we seek? What are we measuring against?

Does our mind have a measuring tape with our own measurement of "enough", which it puts up against someone else's "enough" and compares the two?

When will it ever be enough? What will be the defining experience? What will be the purchase or acquisition that changes everything?

Seeking experiences of fulfilment, freedom, love and bliss whilst creating incredible memories is something I certainly advocate in everyone's lives, in fact it is a gift to both yourself and others because those experiences bring such beauty to our lives, we radiate energy because of them.

Where is it coming from for you?

Are you missing the beauty of your everyday because you are seeking those experiences and memories?

Or does your living of these experiences come from a place of openness and love? Just another moment to live full out, different in many ways to your everyday lives but the same in how you choose to show up in your ways of being, giving your fullest gifts of love, of presence and of expression.

What are we seeking?

David Deida in his fantastic talks and books, talks a lot about the masculine desire to seek freedom through adventure, sport, or even things like war. He also speaks of the feminines desire to seek love through romance novels, soap operas, caring for children and even emotional outbursts to get their partner's attention.

These desires of both the masculine and feminine can be found in men and women.

What David states is that the only real reason that we seek those feelings in experiences outside of ourselves and our everyday lives, is because we aren't opening fully as love and freedom in every moment so we feel empty, we close off through fear, through hurt, through habit and of course through comparison.

We close off, but our natural state of being is to be open.

We are tense, waiting and seeking something other than this moment, so we are closed.

When we are present, when we realise we are free right now, when we give our fullest expression, when we give and receive love as exposed and vulnerable human beings, then we are open.

Opening to this moment, it is enough, feeling everything whether it's sadness or whether it's joy, it is enough.

Scrolling through Facebook seeing what everyone is doing and how incredible their lives seem to be, we feel our own desire for new experience, but we also feel the beauty of our life as it is, we feel the love and freedom in every moment, we feel relaxed, we feel enough as we are.

Stay Open

To conclude, when we judge ourselves, and then judge ourselves against others we normally feel unfulfilled, unhappy and unable to give our greatest gifts to the world, because we become victims, making everything about ourselves, becoming self-absorbed with a "poor me" attitude.

Because of this we close off, we close ourselves to our loved ones, to our work, to our capacity to love and because of this closure.... We suffer.

When we stay present to the beauty of this moment, even if we have great visions for the future, we can live our life open as love, feeling every experience whether it is a grandiose adventure or simply embracing our lover when we come home from work.

Without comparison, without judgement of whether we are enough.

For more of my work and blog posts on fulfilment, freedom, bliss and feeling more alive you can visit

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