The Moon, Giant Leap for Mankind or Intergalactic Service Station Site?

31/08/2012 15:09 BST | Updated 31/10/2012 09:12 GMT

Unless you were living on the moon you will of heard last week that Neil Armstrong died. Unless you've been living on the moon you will know that no one is living on the moon. Neil Armstrong is dead. Since that momentous day in 1969 we have barely been back, which begs the question was it even worth going in the first place?


What a lot of people don't know about the moon landing is it was actually trespassing. German Martin Jeurgens reckons his family have owned it since 1756 when the Prussian king Frederick the Great presented it to his ancestor Aul Jeurgens which certainly explains why there was a German beach towel amongst all the moon rocks Apollo 11 bought back. ALTHOUGH YOU NEVER HEARD ABOUT THIS IN THE MAINSTREAM MEDIA. Jeurgens is not the only person to lay claim to extraterrestrial real estate three blokes in Yemen have sued NASA for their recent mission to Mars as they claimed their Sabaean ancestors gave the planet to them three thousand years ago. Which reminds me I think an aunt gave me Neptune for my Bar mitzvah.


It would have been a lot quicker to just go to Slough, Reading or Welling Garden City for the weekend if we wanted to explore a really grey place with no atmosphere. It was a nice day out but I can't see how much it helped the progress of mankind, I'm all for space exploration, I love Star Trek but the moon seems like nothing more than a fantastic tourist destination akin to climbing mount Everest or going to the Grand Canyon. Don't get me wrong I'd love to put on a space suit and drive around on a golf buggy but the novelty would soon wear off and there are cheaper ways to shit through a straw and eat powdered food. Plus it looks bloody cold up there.


Apart from being the first man on the moon Armstrong's life was pretty dull, he retired to his farm in Ohio and made very rare public appearances. The most notable thing to happen to him since the moon landing was a falling out with his barber of twenty years who was secretly selling his hair. Not like hard drinking depression fighting second man on the Moon Buzz Aldrin (real name Edwin) who following his return to earth got divorced and set up shop as a second hand car dealer, needless to say this ended in sobriety, finding god and not many cars being sold. But that didn't stop him recording a rap record with Snoop Dogg to mark the 40th Anniversary of the moon landing. If he isn't an advertisement on the virtues of finishing second then I don't know who is.


Space: The final frontier. Well the moon is that part of the journey when you are driving through where you live before you get on the motorway. In years to come we will build a Little Chef and WHSmiths on there I'm sure. It is what lies beyond the moon that is really exciting and where the real adventure and discovery begins. And thanks to Armstrong and Aldrin the first steps into the province of all mankind have been taken, now lets build a service station there.