25/07/2014 12:10 BST | Updated 24/09/2014 06:59 BST

Rocking on Heaven's Door

Over the last few weeks, Steven Gerrard announced his retirement from international football, the Monty Python team performed their last shows at the O2, and The Rolling Stones performed some more gigs as part of their latest world tour™.

Which leads me to the question, what is it about rock stars that won't make them quit while they're ahead? We're all aware of the rock stars that left us too young (Jopling, Kobain, Rob Pilatus of Milli Vanilli) but of even more concern are the ones that don't leave us soon enough!

We've all seen the steady decline of some of yesterday's heroes, still parading around like it's their heyday of the 1980s (or earlier). Should you require proof, merely peruse recent photos of a certain William Bruce Rose, Jr (Axl Rose).

Could it be because they have no-where else to go? Unless they have a spouse who is significantly younger than they are (and a lot of them have) then you can hardly imagine them wiling away their days in a tranquil retirement home.

I mean, just think of some of the more hedonistic behaviour - eating bats (Ozzy Osbourne), the shark episode (Led Zepellin), urinating on the Alamo (Osbourne again) - if any of them behaved like that in a nursing home then they'd be dosed up and diagnosed with senile dementia. I can only imagine Led Zepellin asking Doreen if they can borrow some of her Friday night fish supper for some geriatric tomfoolery.

Whilst there are some people we would happily see retire sooner rather than later (in your own time, Mr Bieber), there's something comforting to think that our favourite rock stars are mis-behaving well into their later years. Even those that you may say have 'mellowed', such as guitar hero Slash, they're still churning out great albums (his forthcoming new album is a real good un') despite the fact that he's entitled to sit back, put his feet up, and revel in all of the memories of a career living to excess - that is, if he can remember all of the career living to excess.

If anything, knowing that they're still doing it gives me the logical rationale when I'm planning a big night out that "Slash did this to himself daily for 20 YEARS, what's the worst that can happen?" Seriously, can you imagine Slash sitting there in an old people's home with some grandkids bouncing on his knee? No? Well in that case, it's your lucky day!

The age old question of "What would Slash look like in a retirement home" has finally been answered. How? and Why? Well, I recently decided to help the man himself promote his new album 'World on Fire', but it didn't exactly go to plan as you'll discover in this exclusive video for the shiny new Comedy Central UK website:

Slash's new single 'World on Fire' is out to download now, the album follows in September and he'll be touring UK music venues in November and December. (No retirement homes are currently on the bill)