25/06/2014 11:07 BST | Updated 25/08/2014 06:59 BST

The Scourge of the Working Parent

Are you a working parent like me? Then you will know that I don't have time to write this piece. And you really don't have time to read this piece. Seriously, go away and do something on your endless mental or written list of things-to-do.

Still here? Ok, let's peer in to what your daily life might look like.

Wake the kid(s) up, scrub and clean them, feed them, dress them, rush around with last minute homework corrections, why didn't you do this last night!, don't forget today is swim practice, oh god the swim suit is in the washing machine, don't climb on that chair!, will you please eat your breakfast, I need to check my works emails!, have you forgotten about the project/presentation/meeting that you have, my god why won't (insert partners name here) clean the dishes, help with the kids, put his/her damn coffee mug in the sink, take out the trash, never mind!

This commute is soul destroying, I need to check my works emails!, the kids are off, coffee and croissant on the go, shove in to tube/car/traffic, reply to one personal email that has been sitting ignored for 2 weeks, feel guilty, get shouted at on train for not shuffling down to the middle of the car, doors open, and oh that brief bit of sunlight is nice.

At office desk and immediately sucked into phone calls, I need to check my works emails!, endless meetings, tricky staff issues, client lunch, I need to check my works emails!, phone call from partner who can't be home in time to pick up kid(s), rearrange schedule for end of the day, the talk with the boss about that promotion doesn't go so well, and end work day having a tense conversation with a tricky client.

Shuffle into over-crowded and grumpy commuter train, get stalled in-between two stations for 10 minutes, collective sigh, desperately try and finish magazine article you've been reading for a week, home, oh dear god I forgot to pick up kid(s); frantically call child-minder desperately apologize, whiz back out to collect kid(s), and curse partner under breathe for last minute change of plans.

'Witching hour,' kid(s) grumpy, shovel food into kid(s), quick bath, don't splash water all over the floor!, don't dunk your sister under the water!, I need to check my works emails!, please can't you brush your own teeth, story read, no! only one book tonight, tears, calming warm milk is consumed, lights out, kid(s) won't sleep, in and out of room(s) for another 20 minutes, asleep at last.

How was your day? I am so tired I can't think. Where is the wine? Who is cooking tonight? God, it's already 9pm. Why does it take so long to get the kids to sleep? Do we have anything to watch? Should we not talk and catch-up? I'm too exhausted. I need to call my mom. I'll do it tomorrow. Did you reply to the insurance company about that weird fee? I can't talk about admin now. When do you ever want to talk about admin? We need to book the rental car. We need to call back about the boiler. I can't talk admin now! That reminds me I forgot to cancel my Yoga class for tomorrow and now I will be charged a £15 cancellation fee. Ah! Why can't you go to yoga tomorrow? I am on bus duty for kid(s). Unless you can do it? I can't do it; I have an early morning meeting. It's so frustrating that I can never get back into yoga. We should plan more date nights for ourselves. Yes, we should. I want to go on bike rides more. Do it then. When do we ever have time? We need to plan more time for ourselves! It won't always be this hard once the kids get older. Perhaps, but what do we do about now? We are on a hamster wheel that never stops. Let's just relax and watch some TV. I don't want to watch this show. You watch what you want, I will read. I should read more. I miss reading. Who has time? I am so tired. Its 10pm let's just go to bed. I can't face washing the dishes. I'll do it in the morning. You never do it in the morning! There is just never enough time . . . .

Lights out. Repeat. Enjoy.