The Blog

Why I Left My Son

I'll be honest, I was really feeling sick and nervous at the thought of leaving him. I was paranoid that he'd miss me and be really sad or hate me when we got back or just forget about me altogether!

The title sounds a bit dramatic doesn't it‽ It's true, I packed my bags and left my almost two year old.

If you've check out my blog you'll know that it's not that dramatic really, we went on our honeymoon for eight days.

I'll be honest, I was really feeling sick and nervous at the thought of leaving him. I was paranoid that he'd miss me and be really sad or hate me when we got back or just forget about me altogether!

I even went through a stage of thinking we'd made a mistake and I was saying I'm not going, I'm not leaving my boy!

On the night before we left, I slept on the floor holding Ollie's hand and me and Ollie had a moment, he kept hugging and kissing me!

The reasons we decided to have a child-free honeymoon in the first place were

It was our honeymoon - that's a good enough reason really! It's a once in a lifetime holiday that you'll never do again and it is nice to spend some time together after the wedding.

I'm a wife now. I think it's important to remember that taking on a new role i.e mother, doesn't take away any existing roles nor does it mean you can't take on more. Just because I'm a mom it doesn't mean I can't be other things too. I like to think I'm still me as a friend, sister and all my other titles as well as a mom. Being a wife is pretty special so I wanted to make sure I took some time to just be a wife for a few days.

We wanted to go to busy places (New York and Vegas!). Had we gone on a beach holiday where we'd spend a week in a pool or spa, I'd have been much more likely to take Ollie with us as he would've enjoyed playing on a beach. We like bars and theatres and went somewhere that Ollie wouldn't have enjoyed at his age. When he's a bit older I'd love to go back with him but he would've hated the plane, hated that he would've had to stay in the pram as it would be too busy to run around, he'd be happier chasing the dog at Nanny's!

We've had a rubbish year. Let's not beat around the bush about this point but if anyone needed or deserved a holiday - it's us! In the past 18 months we've lost two babies and I lost my job after 12 years of loving it so it was actually really good to just runaway for a few days and get drunk on one White Russian!

When we got back it was as if we'd never left! Ollie was my best mate, we just carried on as normal! He's just a lovely little boy.

I learnt a few things from leaving my boy...

We have a really strong bond! He loves us and he knows we're his mom and dad. Going away for a week didn't make him forget us because we've already got a strong relationship. I think maybe some kids would suffer with anxiety if they didn't feel strongly attached to their parents but not Ollie.

It's good for Ollie to spend time with his family! He did four days at my moms and four days with my in-laws, they stayed at our house with him. He was happy and lovely with both sets of grandparents and I think it was actually them that couldn't cope with the change! Haha! They all really missed him when they handed him over! He really loves all of his grandparents and it was nice for him to have some special time with them.

People that criticise you off are probably just jealous! I can read a few minds, "I could NEVER leave my child, how could a mother leave her child!" But lets be honest, if you had the opportunity to go to NYC and Vegas child-free knowing that your kid is going to be happy and with people you trust, would you say no? I don't think you would, especially for a honeymoon!

So if you're considering going on a honeymoon and leaving your kids behind, don't stress and don't worry about what other people think just concentrate on what you think!

I don't think I could make a habit out of child-free holidays because we did really miss Ollie and I want Ollie to see the world anyway! For a honeymoon or one-off special occasion, I say go for it.

When I was on one of my hen nights, a random woman came up to me and told me not to put my kids before my husband and then told me her husband died a few years ago (cheery hen night topic!) and although I don't agree with putting kids after anybody, most mothers live for their kids, I do understand what she meant in a way, don't give up on other aspects of yourself because you're a mum!