04/06/2012 08:09 BST | Updated 01/08/2012 06:12 BST

Photoshop My Life, Baby!

We've all read about the controversy over excessive Photoshopping of reality celebs, actresses and models. Putting pressure on the rest of us to strive for unattainable perfection. The latest furore is over the three models on the cover of the June edition of Glamour magazine.

Pah! - anyone can slice a chunk off their thighs and boost their boobs. I've decided to one-up them and Photoshop my life. This weekend I'm going to be the fab-est mum, wife and friend.

1. Fab Mum: Darlings, I've missed you these last five minutes, let's play rounders on the beach.

Kids: Oh Mother, we just want to hug and smile all the time.


Me and my kids. Photoshop: The High Schooler

Real Mum: Could you smile for the camera for just one second without fighting? Then it's back to the bloody Kid's Club for you!

2. Fab Wife: Darling, I know how concerned you were about the birds eating your strawberries. I thought I'd ward off the birds while you were at work.

Husband: You're the best wife ever. Let's spend some quality time together this weekend building a bird cover.

Fab wife: Lovely.


Me guarding my husband's strawberries. Photoshop: The High Schooler

Real Wife: Spend the weekend putting planks together? Waste of good drinking time - I'll call the handyman first thing.

3. Fab Friend: Greetings Peeps - guess what happened to me today?

Friends: Another fantastic anecdote? Jody, you're so fun and talented, we'd hate you if you weren't so nice.


Me and my "friends." Photoshop: The High Schooler

Real friends: Oh brother, what a pompous old wind bag, we only put up with her because her husband's so sweet.

What would you like to photoshop into your weekend?