I receive a lot of messages from women asking for advice. As I sift through them all (you can imagine me in a small office, buried neck-deep in huge overflowing postage sacks filled with letters) I notice a common theme; "What the hell does he mean by this?". I thank my lucky stars that I live in a digital age and that I don't have to reply using an inkwell and quill (as cool as that would be).
Mixed Messages
At the end of the day everybody wants to know whether the person's into them or not, right? As a guy we're no different. If a girl doesn't like me, I just want her to come out and say she'd "rather be friends" or "please stop hanging out in front of my flat, I've already notified the police". In this day and age, though, it's never that simple.
Are we all just reading into everything too much? Or is it because we've all been "duped" so many times in the past that we don't trust anybody anymore? Analysing every word in every text, every "LOL", "smiley", "frowny" and "winky" to the point that we're just not able to just read something for exactly what it is and just enjoy the ride?
Smoke and Mirrors
It's not just wondering whether they're into you or not that keeps us guessing. It's the constant thinking about whether they're completely full of crap too. We're even being lied to whilst seeing someone about things like careers, ex relationships, education and achievements so that they can impress us. Surely if there's going to be any future together, we're going to find out eventually and the longer it drags on, the harder it's going to be in the future when the truth is finally revealed.
Anyway, someone recently asked me for advice about a guy she'd "clicked" with recently. According to the screenshots of the texts everything was moving along quite well. He was the one doing all the chasing - there was a real spark. The day just before their first date he cancels because he was busy with work commitments. This happens to all of us and I told her to breathe and not to worry as he sounded quite sincere. A few days pass without another message and after the previous week being filled with constant messaging, it obviously seemed quite strange. Naturally, she thought he was just another "one of those" and left it at that.
After a few more days he finally gets back to her mentioning how sorry he is and that he bumped into his ex and that they are going to try to work things out. She gets back to me telling me how ecstatic she is that he sent her such an honest message. I don't see it as such a big deal, as surely that's what any normal person would do, but to her it was huge.
This is just one example on how it goes to show that honesty is so greatly respected, even if it's not the end result we want. There are no bridges burnt, and it leaves the door open for something to happen in the future.
Keep It Clear
So, if you're not interested, say so. We'd all save a lot of time and energy knowing this as soon as possible, so don't just disappear off the face of the earth.
If you are interested, make it clear. You don't have to tell somebody you like them, just treat them with respect and they'll figure it out through your actions.
And, if you're not sure whether you're interested or not - figure it out pretty soon as it's not fair to string somebody along whilst you're trying to make up your mind.
Surely it's not that hard, is it?