We Need Weapons Inspectors for Language Too

We Need Weapons Inspectors for Language Too

If my long lusted for - progressive Anarcho Syndicalist free love environmental saviors revolution - fails to manifest and save us from the inevitable capitalist abyss we're currently heading towards, then surely the rallying cry that shall best epitomize our civilizations decadent selfish decline in to oblivion shall be 'SHOTGUN!"

I must confess to being a little out of touch with this phenomenon when I arrived at Warwick, like a fuddy duddy Daily Mail reader lamenting the use of the word 'innit', SHOTGUN! was alien to me. I was only aware of SHOTGUN! as a silly anti-deliberative American method of deciding who would claim the kings thrown at the front of the automobile... However I was deeply naïve. Shocked and awed I became to realise that like the bubonic plague, this seven-letter word had spread to all hawks of life...from deciding the recipient of the last spring roll, to who would answer the door, "SHOTGUN!" prevailed.

All of my instincts resisted this new craze. Something is out of place here I thought, my social science spidey senses are tingling. If Hitler had invaded Poland and declared through radio via propaganda minister Goebbels to the terrorized Polish population "SHOTGUN!", would the trembling, dread filled civilians of Eastern Europe, turn round to one another and calmly say "fair play...he did shotgun". When George Bush won the 2000 US election by evident electoral fraud, if he had simply stood on the white house lawn with Al Gore talking about sports and suddenly 'SHOTGUN(ed)!" for the presidency, would this war criminal Muppet/puppets election theft have become suddenly a legitimate mandate, would Al Gore have stated "while I profoundly disagree with the supreme courts decision...we must acknowledge Mr Bush did shotgun first" "Fair play" everyone would mumble reluctantly . And while on the theme of G. Bush, Iraqs (the S signifies possession) oil reserves..."SHOTGUN!".

Ostensibly words like shotgun seem harmless, no doubt most of you will think I write this to be contrary, a twat, or simply for a laugh...you would be correct on all fronts. However, I also sincerely believe that every generation in a given epoch (Marxist bastard) is infected with the ruling ideology of their societies elite and economic modality. What better expresses a society of anti democracy, selfishness and the supremacy of private interests at the expense of the collective than "SHOTGUN!".

I recently relived my childhood and watched the film Hook. During a segment in which Captain Hook explains "why parents hate their children" he claims frequent selfish demands by kids and the "I want I want I want me me me me mine mine mine mine mine now now now now" mentality, fosters this resentment, SHOTGUN! Is simply the grown up equivalent. And surely, if captain Hook objects, a leading authority in behaviorism, world renowned, then we should take note.

Next time the doorbell rings and someone "SHOTGUN(s)" punch them, tell them to shut the fuck up and to behave like they live in a democracy, not a shopping mall.


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