As Adam, a wise man played by someone I fancied in another film once said "Manners are a way of showing other people we care about them". The movie in question was Blast from the Past and it also presented this marvellous conversation.(Thank you to IMDB for the info). It might contain a spoiler but the movie has been available to watch since 1999 so don't get annoyed with me. Get annoyed with yourself - what other things have you missed out on? Troop Beverly Hills?
Eve: Now hold on, hold on just a minute! In the first place I do not fall in love with weirdos who I've only known for four or five days!
Troy: Yes you do.
Eve: And I don't fall in love with grown men who collect baseball cards!
Troy: Yes you do.
Eve: Or pee in their pants when they see the ocean!
Troy: Yes you do.
Eve: Or have perfect table manners!
Troy: You know, I asked him about that. He said, good manners are just a way of showing other people we have respect for them. See, I didn't know that, I thought it was just a way of acting all superior. Oh and you know what else he told me?
Eve: What?
Troy: He thinks I'm a gentleman and you're a lady.
Eve: [disgusted] Well, consider the source! I don't even know what a lady is.
Troy: I know, I mean I thought a "gentleman" was somebody that owned horses. But it turns out, his short and simple definition of a lady or a gentleman is, someone who always tries to make sure the people around him or her are as comfortable as possible.
Eve: Where do you think he got all that information?
Troy: From the oddest place - his parents. I mean, I don't think I got that memo from mine.
I got that memo, Troy! Being on time is nice - not making people wait is lovely! My dad told us lunch would be at 12.30 when in fact it would be at 1pm so we would always be early. He lied to make things better! That sounds so wrong but I do it too! I tell my friend that dinner will be an hour early because she's always an hour late. But she also always turns up with bottles of alcoholic grape juice, so I forgive her quickly. That's another good trait of mine.
I am very aware of the length of time it takes me to do things. Like, for instance, how long it will take in a taxi during rush hour from the centre of Belfast to my house. Which is usually why in those situations I can be found sipping wine in a Public House because who gets a taxi at rush hour? I'm not deranged.
Wasted time is today's biggest bug bear. (Apart from famine, disease and all the other shitty things going on everywhere else). It began a thought process within me about all the other so called 'old fashioned' things we have either learned to expect others to forget or to avoid altogether.
A favourite man I know will always walk on the outside of the footpath if ever we're out walking together. This rule was applied because if a horse and cart went by on a rainy/muddy day, the man would get his clothes splattered and the woman would remain clean and not sporting 'Bitch Face'. I LIKE THAT! Of course, in this day & age it isn't necessary, and while I do own a glorious pair of welly boots and will hopefully have the sense to be appropriately dressed, I still like that he's courteous enough to care.
Cutlery. These days during a meal people seem to hold on to their knife and fork for dear life. Why? Are they in danger of being taken away before you've finished your food? Lay the things down while chewing, with your mouths closed for the love of all that is good. When you're finished don't abandon them just any old place on the plate - how is anyone supposed to know that you're done? Place them side-by-side in the middle of the plate. Please. (See? Incredible manners)
Spitting on the street. What the hell was in your own mouth that you couldn't swallow? Don't do it.
Throwing chewing gum on the ground. My daft dog eats that stuff and while it does make him look like he's trying to talk which is funny 'ha ha' and makes me think of Alf even though he was actually a real man in a costume, it's also grim as I have to pick it out of his mouth before he swallows it, chokes to death and leaves me to die alone.
Simply because I've run out of things that vex me, I'll end with this - Apparently telling people what to do and generally being a bossy cow is very bad form. But I think that's a rule I'll conveniently ignore. You're welcome!