We all knew from the moment that Cheska first mentioned it that Hugo had been playing away. Last night's episode saw Caggie interrogate the oily cad about the rumours and, finally, tell Millie the truth. A well-aimed cocktail in the face later and the relationship was well and truly over.
In amidst all that drama, new character Proudlock (with a name like that, one can only assume he has just graduated from Hogwarts) made his MIC debut. An old school friend of Spencer, Hugo and Jamie, Proudlock boasts an Errol Flynn-esque moustache, an impeccable tan, a single ear piercing and a pair of tortoiseshell glasses. Oh, and plot-twist: he has history with Caggie. As does Spencer. As does Jamie. As does, it would appear, any man of a certain age in the SW area. Spencer was still keen to maintain his Cags-stake, despite seemingly pledging alleigance to Louise: 'I had a dream we slept together last night,' he told Dunlop, doing his trademark gormless-looking goofy grin (whilst Cags did her blinkard, rabbit-in-headlights pouting thing).
This was, of course, shortly before Spence told unlikely agony aunt Binky that he had 'found himself in another triangle again' with Caggie and Louise. In the teaser at the end of the episode, we were given a snippet of disgraced Hugo telling Spencer that everyone wants him and Caggie to get together. Not this again! Wasn't this the crux of the whole of the first series? Except Funda has now been replaced by Louise?
Anyway. This week's unlikely event was the aforementioned book launch, in honour of the not yet published (or written, I suspect...) manuscript by Francis, the snappily entitled The Entrepreneurs Guide to Life.
Prior to this, Francis and Rosie had been engaging in a spot of casual rock-climbing - 'I find climbing very Zen,' imparted Francis sagely - whilst discussing Francis' burgeoning love-life. 'Three girls in one day!' exclaimed a still-dazed Francis following his securing dates with Amber, Natalia and Louise at Cowes. 'That's braggable!' Rule 1, Francis: the moment you refer to something as 'braggable', it loses all elements of braggability.
Meanwhile, Gabriella's downward spiral into bunny-boiling continued, as announced by yet another shot of her bellowing 'YOU'VE GOT TO FIIIIIIIGHT, FOR LOOOOOVE' as she filmed the music video for the tune (which she has already modestly predicted the song will reach number one, although in which chart she has not specified...)
'Beb, stop attitude-ing at me!' Gabs shrieked at Chloe, who had come to confront her. Gabriella's attempts to explain that she was not obsessed with Ollie were weakened considerably by the fact that she did so whilst next to the two long-haired, Union Jack-bedecked men selected to star in the video.
Finally: I am pleased to report that the fabulous Mark-Francis was on particularly good form. As ever, Gianna the maid was on hand to be gabbled at in an interchangeable mixture of Spanish and French, providing a supply of champers and canapés to M-F and Amber as they continued 'plotting' to get diamond heir Francis on board with their jewellery plans. I imagine if they'd just ask, it would probably be easier than plotting and planning, especially if Francis is likely to continue making lunges at random. 'With what implement did he lunge?' M-F enquired delightedly on hearing of Francis' advances towards Amber. 'A tongue? A spear?' The mind boggles...