As a single woman living in London I have come to discover that navigating the wilderness of online dating is a skilful art that requires an objective eye and plenty of gut instinct. With apps like Tinder, Happn and Inner Circle, the entire dating landscape has been transformed. Where once we used to rely on 'meet-cutes' out in the big wide world, now it's all about a mutual right swipe. It has become obvious to me that certain apps have certain reputations and whilst many are claiming their users are seeking meaningful relationships, I find this hard to believe judging by the types of guys I come across time and time again. Here are the seven stereotypical male profiles you are likely to find on dating apps!
1 - SELFIE GUY
Often combined with topless guy (see number four), the serial selfie-taker is a master of posing. These guys usually fall into one of two categories: completely self-absorbed or simply trying to please with a close-up smiling pic. Backdrops usually include a gym or a [messy] bathroom. Whether his intentions are genuine or not, I believe nothing good will ever come from a guy who snaps his own picture.
2 - CUTE DOG GUY
Very strategic and very smart because what girl doesn't love a cute dog? Yes if there's a pooch in your picture I'm probably 50% more likely to swipe right if only just for the chance to cuddle your pup. This happened to me recently; ok looking guy, gorgeous dog so I agree to a date and he actually brought the dog along. You can guess where my attention lay the whole night. Dog 1. Guy 0.
3 - GROUP SHOT GUY
This guy is the worst. If I can't figure out which one you are I simply can't be bothered. A group shot is annoying yet sneakily strategic because from a distance a group may look attractive enough, perhaps they're at the polo in suits, but when you actually look a little closer at each individual you'll see you've been played the fool.
4 -TOPLESS GUY
In other words, it's a way to show off his 6, 8 or 10 pack. I love a good body just as much as the next girl but there's something a bit too 'showy' about a shirtless guy. My only exception is if it's a faraway shot in an exotic beach location, then I'm just excited by the potential holidays he might take me on.
5 - HOT BEST MATE GUY (I HOPE YOU MISTAKE HIM FOR ME)
Again this one is totally sneaky. First photo you think "Ooh the one on the right is cute... Is he the one on the right?". You then proceed to scroll through all the images trying to match faces, and nine times out of ten I find you decipher that he's never the hot one. Shame.
6 - SUIT GUY
I swear 95% of the London male population works in finance which explains why there are so many photos of corporate guys in suits doing shots in the VIP area of a club. Yes you look sharp in your tux but unless you're at a wedding or the races, you don't need to go overboard with how much you like to splash your cash.
7 - I HANG OUT WITH MODELS GUY
This guy obviously thinks women like to be intimidated by superior beauty, but I've got to say the fact that you've surrounded yourself with babin' models doesn't make me want to impress you, it makes me think you're shallow. Fail.
It's official. Dating in this day and age is exhausting. I've seen too many examples of guys one through seven and all I've ended up with is RSI from swiping left and right. I'm tired of sifting through sand looking for a nugget of gold, so please guys pick up your game. Let's put down the iPhones and work on some kind of 'meet-cute' bar sitchu. It's much more my style.