We Need to Talk About Kevin (Pietersen)

15/08/2012 14:38 BST | Updated 15/10/2012 10:12 BST

As the country basked in a glow created by unity and sporting glory a small enclave called cricketland, went off like an episode of Jeremy Kyle.

The story so far.

Apparently Kev has been slagging his so called mates off behind their back, to his other so called mates including Dale. He had got himself in a bit of a state because no one loved him enough ...and anyway he was tired ... and anyway he wanted to spend more time with his family or counting his money, or playing with the other boys in the Delhi Daredevils.

Kev was also suspicious that 'Stu' or another one of the boys was making nasty jokes about him behind his back, Stu is going to do a lie detector, meanwhile it was Stu's mate not Stu who was making nasty jokes, but Stu didn't have anything to do it actually, he really didn't, in fact he didn't even know about it.

All the time Stu and Kev's boss was telling everyone all the secrets Kev was saying to him, making Kev look more of a tit than he actually is.

This also made Kev sad ,so Kev posted some stuff on social media which made him look even more of a tit than he actually is ... again. So, then Kev's posh mate Piers gets involved and tells everyone it's because they are all jealous of Kev anyway, er... making him look like even more of a tit than he is.

So Kev apologised for everything but he still isn't allowed to play with the other boys.

Yeah but no, but yeah but no, but yeah but no but...