I was, along with many other first time mummies, overjoyed at seeing those amazing, unexpected, two blue lines. I'M PREGNANT!
Joy soon turned to what I can only describe as hell, pregnancy hell!
If I heard 'try a ginger biscuit', or 'nibble some dry toast, one more time I would not be accountable for the volume at which I would scream!!
I was suffering from hyperemesis gravidarum, a horrendous illness in pregnancy, which is unfortunately, in many cases, overlooked and dealt with by a patronising, 'You're just pregnant, it's morning sickness'.
For the next eight and a half months I endured an illness which I would not wish upon my worst enemy.
I was eventually prescribed a concoction of anti-sickness medicines by my GP, after several stints overnight in hospital, where I was hooked up to drips pumping nutrients and anti-nausea medication into me as I was unable to keep a single thing down, even sips of water.
One visit into hospital even left me throwing up blood, as the daily, continuous vomiting had resulted in damage to my throat.
'Why me?', I often thought, 'why am I not blooming and full of overwhelming joy?'
This wasnt what I expected at all.
From the moment I woke up, until the minute I dragged my weak, ever changing body into bed, I felt absolutely awful. I'd created a friendship with the toilet I never knew possible.
The pain from months of continuous vomiting was crippling, and I felt as though A&E was my second home.
I was ao hungry, but my body just wasnt allowing it.
Even when I wasn't eating, I was vomiting. I was drained, weak, an emotional wreck.
I couldn't work, I couldn't function, full stop. I was bed bound and hating every moment.
'This isn't how it's meant to be'.
Nine years later, those little blue lines appeared again!
Happiness very quickly fell to despair, 'what if it happens again?' I genuinely thought I couldn't put myself through it again, I mentally wasn't ready to suffer every single day for nine months again.
I spent the next couple of weeks in utter turmoil, slumped on the sofa in tears at the prospect.
I wasn't going to let my baby go, I could do this!
I couldn't, my worst nightmare came true, and it was back. Time dragged like you wouldn't believe and I could feel myself slipping lower and lower into a state of misery.
Once again, I frequented the hospital two or three times monthly to be hooked up to those drips, which I'd hoped I'd seen the back of. I was on three different medications daily and yet still I was controlled by this monster, hyperemesis gravidarum.
When I hear people saying it's part and parcel of pregnancy, 'just a bit of morning sickness', it infuriates me!
This is a debilitating illness that sucks every single bit of energy from you, physically and mentally.
I urge anyone to educate themselves properly before making patronising remarks to any lady going through this. Pregnancy is a huge journey in itself, without this huge hurdle to take on.