28/11/2016 10:00 GMT | Updated 28/11/2017 05:12 GMT

A Day In The Life Of Mr And Mrs Flush - Surviving The Men-O-Pause

This isn't one of those posts for men to shy away from, nothing gruesome going on here.

This is the story of Mr & Mrs Flush

One day Mrs Flush woke up and discovered that all her best years were behind her. She also noted that all the bad things that happen in a woman's life begin with 'MEN'. She knew what was happening as she lay stretched out like a failed star jump, her hair stuck to her face, her mouth as dry as Jack Dee live at the Apollo and she knew that attempting to separate her thighs would result in losing another layer of top skin.

Mr Flush was also lying in a pool of sweat, buried beneath a pile of blankets that Mrs Flush had discarded during the night. It was a momentary welcome relief as he had spent half the night wrestling over them when Mrs Flush had got a bit chilly. Poor Mr Flush was going through the men-o-pause.

Downstairs Mrs Flush prepared a breakfast of marmite and peanut butter on toast. Three minutes were spent staring into the fridge until she remembered she was looking for a plate. After removing her dressing gown and opening the window she settled down to read her latest copy of 'The Turbulent Times'.

Mr Flush entered the kitchen wearing a wooly hat, scarf and mittens. His heart sank as he saw the open window and felt the cold radiators. He had been suffering from terrible mood swings recently and Mrs Flush was worried by the look on his face. So she hurried back upstairs to get dressed.

Mrs Flush struggled to get into her favourite pair of jeans. She thought that she would have lost weight as her previous monthly 'sweet' cravings had started to ebb away. But the men-o-pause is cruel like that. It was a good job she was married, she thought to herself, with the expanding waistline and the only thing thinning being her hair, she stood no chance of attracting a new lover. She did feel enormously liberated by giving up on shaving her leg and underarm hair. It isn't like Mr Flush gets that close to her anymore as her libido becomes libidon't.

Mrs Flush sits on the bed and considers the strong force of Mother Nature. The good, the bad, and looking in the mirror, the downright ugliness of it all. On the positive side she thinks it's quite clever that this kicks off when the kids have left home. While they all still like each other. And it would probably be the end of womankind if it didn't. Master Flush already mentioned being put off the idea of marrying if this is what he has to look forward to.

Mrs Flush returns to the kitchen, closes the window, pops on the heating and says, "Bit chilly in here don't you think love?" Mr Flush just sighs and removes his wooly hat.