Why You Should Never Get a Boob Job

27/07/2012 14:54 BST | Updated 25/09/2012 10:12 BST

It's been 20 years since Baywatch actress Pamela Anderson put boob jobs on the map with her bouncing silicon coconuts. And despite recurrent health scares, botched surgery and the £5,000 price tag, the demand for Barbie doll chests continues to rise. Glamourised by the media and modelling industries, data from the Guardian shows 10,003 women underwent breast augmentation surgery in 2011, a 6.2% increase from the previous year.

Although surgeons claim these operations are rarely dangerous, I'm not convinced. So here are five reasons why you should keep those puppies away from the knife.

1.) There's no guarantees they're safe

Assuming you don't have an adverse reaction to anaesthetic or an infection following the op, doctors still can't guarantee the safety of implants in the long-term. Though recent reports claim the highly controversial PIP implants are 'non toxic', many women who've suffered serious side effects would beg to differ. Regardless of what material you go for, there's always a risk of leaking and rupture. So unless you fancy a pair of bazonkas like a 90 year old's colostomy bag, stay clear.

2.) Most men don't like fake boobs

As I'm not in possession of a pair of testicles, I can't give a personal opinion on the sexual appeal of plus sized chubbs. I've no doubt there's a selection of Nuts magazine enthusiasts who would jump at the chance to rest their head upon a pair of inflatable beach balls. But from extensive questioning of male friends, the general consensus is that real boobs are infinitely more attractive- including those dainty little bee stings.

3.) Cosmetic surgeons don't have their patient's interests at heart

Some surgeons do an outstanding job on reconstructive operations. Treating women who've suffered from cancer or deformities, there's no doubt they offer a valuable service. But realistically, I suspect most private cosmetic surgeons are motivated by money. Do they care that a patient wants to mutilate a pair of perfectly lovely, 100% normal lady lumps? No. A surgeon will be more than happy to boost healthy Cs to Es the second your plastic runs through their credit card machine.

4.) There are natural alternatives

Still not convinced your boobs are perfectly delightful just as they are? Before you push a fistful of thousands into a surgeon's grubby paw, consider the natural options. Brands such as Bioconcepts Regener8 and Nip + Fab offer breast enhancement creams with Mangostana peel extract, which can increase boob size in some women by half a cup size. Alternatively, opt for some bust boosting exercises and improve the appearance of your chest by building lean muscle tissue underneath.

5.) They need to be replaced

A boob job won't last forever. Whether they stay put 10 years or need to be replaced after six months due to exploding saline, you will require another op. And don't think you can resort back to those perky A cups if you don't have a spare 5K to hand next time around. Implants can stretch and change the surrounding tissue, leaving you with unsightly scarring and sagging. Meanwhile women who choose large implants can have even more complications, including stooping of the shoulders and back pain. So whilst you might have been going for Page three sex goddess, the outcome will be more Hunchback of Pornodam.

Don't do it girls. Show the mini mammaries some love.