26/04/2012 12:01 BST | Updated 26/06/2012 06:12 BST

What Women Want From a Man's Apartment

HuffPost Women have created a slideshow, entitled: 'What women want from a man's apartment: the biggest turn-ons'. They have asked their readers to contribute, and willingly, their readers have. (Actually, I have no idea if they contributed willingly or the entire slideshow was made under brutal office tyranny by the beleaguered intern, but I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt).

These, apparently, are the things women want to find in male apartments:

1. Photos of him and his family

I have no idea why. The only possible explanation is to check if his Father is bald, and see whether he is likely to age well. And possibly to reassure themselves that they are hotter than his Mother.

2. Good books (and a nice bookshelf)

Presumably in case he is dreadfully boring- in which case they can unobtrusively start reading one of his 'good books'. I imagine the 'nice bookself' is a euphemistic way of saying 'I don't want large items of furniture falling on my head when I visit him'.

3. A Big Bed (Ie: Not a twin bed)

The caption under this photo reads, 'His bed. If it's too small, I can't work with that.' I see now that 'bed' is the HuffPost Women's chosen term for 'penis'. I am still somewhat mystified by 'twin bed', but hopefully someone will clear that up for me.

4. A subscription to 'The New Yorker'

This is a pretty self-explanatory continuation of point (2). Although possibly with a more toilet-reading oriented slant.

5. A Nice coffee machine

Presumably so they can take it with them when the relationship heads south. Those things are expensive.

The slideshow continues (apparently for 23 more slides), but I think you've got the idea. American men are obviously insufferably dull. And often come with odd encumbrances, such as a 'twin bed'.