We've all been there and you know that feeling that I'm referring to. You wake up blurry eyed, head pounding like the bass from the night before and the lingering taste of a regrettable kebab and tequila shots in your mouth. Lifting your head from the pillow is a strenuous task, so you don't bother. You just turn your head away from the light streaming in through the gap in your curtains and lay there motionless as you attempt to recall last night's antics.
It couldn't have been your most dignified moment; you know what you are like after a round of Tequila slammers and that, unfortunately, is the last thing you recall. But how do you shift that gut wrenching feeling?
1) Do you know where the f*ck you are?
Despite your current attire of jaeger-goggles, do you know where you are? If you are at home, then at least there is no stride of pride. If you don't know where you are just get out of there right now.
2) Are you stark-bollock naked?
If you are flopped on your own bed but are still fully clothed, you must have been annihilated but your journey home was flying solo. If on the other hand, you're in your birthday suit don't sweat it, as you needed new clothes anyway.
3) Have you been branded with ink?
Some venues tend to brand you upon entry and at the time it really pisses you off however, right now you are eternally grateful for the semi-permanent tracker of your late-night pilgrimage. You always wanted a tattoo anyway, so at least you can see how you feel about them.
4) Do you have any incriminating mug shots
Check your snapchat story. If you like to document your debauched ventures, this is a good indication of what you did. Drinks at the bar, drinks at your table, drinks at some randomers' tables, multiple trips to the loo, re-applying your makeup...but first let me take a selfie, meeting new people in the bathroom, making friends in the smoking area, loosing all your actual friends. Let's face it, you were that drunk girl in the club. On the other hand; snaps of you crying, philandering or vomiting, will confirm your 'WTF' feeling you are experiencing.
The best thing to do is delete anyone you would be embarrassed from seeing you in such state from your snapchat and add them back at a later date.
5) What did you have last night?
You know what drinks turn you into a social butterfly and what totally ruins you and in turn, screws with your decision-making abilities. There's no point in holding it in, crawl to the toilet head in hands and get that cocktail of rosé, malibu and tequila out of you.
6) Did you call your ex?
Should you have really called them? The answer is going to be HELL NO. But what can you do? There will be no way of knowing what you said because you will never call them again. Ever. Cross your fingers you didn't leave a voicemail, block their number (thank God for iOS 7) and go hang your head in shame in the vicinity of a toilet.
7) Those drunken messages
If you did the unspeakable; as well as calling that person you weren't supposed to 11ish times, you've sent multiple messages to them. Alongside this, you've messaged all your friends, of which none of them replied.
This is the perfect time to start a group message and type the inevitable, 'what did I do last night!?' and start apologising profusely.
8) Do you really want that post on your timeline?
Your friends could be feeling a little revengeful and by posting some drunken and entirely embarrassing photos of you is the perfect way to highlight your humiliation and their glory. Though this can be horrid, it is an ideal time to see what you did.
Grinding on the sleezy guy in the club, dancing on a table, falling over and flashing your modesty. There are many things you could have done, right? But now at least you know. To make sure no one else knows, delete immediately and make sure to upload photos at pre-drinks where you looked decent.