It's that time of the year again and this time my anger outburst is more serious than ever. It always seems to be around this time of the season as many people tell me. I suppose it's the festive season now and the change get's overwhelming. But that's certainly no excuse for my recent terrible actions...
I always really try my best not to let these outbursts of anger happen but they just slip out and I can't stop myself. Sometimes I over step the line with my temper. I go too far.
On Saturday 31st October which funnily enough happened to fall on Halloween. I unfortunately got arrested because an incident broke out at home involving myself losing my temper.
I was having a normal, chilled day filming videos for my blog until my mum returned home. Mum wasn't please that I had let my dogs have run of the house whilst she was out. Mum told me that the dogs are not allowed into the lounge. Then of course; me being me, who doesn't like to be told no, I lashed out.
I always seem to lose my temper in really silly situations. This makes me feel very embarrassed.
I was in the middle of eating my tea when I launched the glass of juice off the table across the kitchen, obviously not thinking before doing it. That's a big issue of mine. I don't think about it, I just do it. I certainly need to think before I do something like this.
Mum was now stressed out even more and shouted at me so I then launched my tea across the room. in huge anger. By now I had lost control of myself and shamefully held a knife to my mum. Looking back now I had realised I had taken it too far.
The police was now called and they were soon to arrive. I was now angrier than ever although I didn't think I could even be any more angry right now at the time so I dug the knife into my arm leaving my arm wounded and blood dripping from this small hole in my arm. I was hoping to really do some damage to myself. I was really upset and of course raging at myself.
Trashing the Kitchen still, realising the mess on the floor, my mum told me to calm down and stop. I couldn't stop myself. I saw red. I felt really hot headed.
As the police were nearly here. I ran outside onto the estate where I live with the knife chasing my mum's partner who had phoned the police. I was furious. The police were here now so I put the knife down. By now I was really upset and realised what I had done was totally wrong.
The police handcuffed me and arrested, I was taken to the police station to stay in custody overnight in the cells.
Morning had come and I had time to reflect on my behaviour. to which I deeply regret. If I could do it all differently I would. I hate myself for it.
Every episode gets worse and worse which becomes a regular yearly pattern. Only I can stop it although it's difficult. I just dig a deeper hole for myself every time.
In the meantime I am released on bail until December however, in that time I'm not allowed any form of contact with my mum and home until my bail conditions are over. It's going to be really tough considering me and my mum are very close. It does upset me but I need to face the consequences and just deal with it. Only myself was to blame which I truly believe,
At the time of writing this, I am living at my dad's home until I attend court. I feel deeply ashamed of my actions right now and it's good to spend some time on my own until everything settles.