03/02/2015 06:35 GMT | Updated 04/04/2015 06:59 BST

Fifa's Presidential E-LOL-ECTION: The Race Not to Succeed Sepp

A Frenchman, A Dutchman, A Portuguese man and The Prince of Jordan walked in to a bar.

Inebriated, the Dutchman floated the idea that it would be hilarious if they all stuck their names into a hat, as candidates for the FIFA presidency.

They obliged and set out on their campaigns.

The good looking Frenchman thought that having the backing a bookmaker [who specialises in the art of professional P-taking] would be the way to get the public to take his campaign seriously.

The Portuguese man, a former Ballon d'or winner, thought he could simply wade in and steal the job from under Platini's nose.

And the Prince forgot to read his royal pamphlet, because if he did, he'd have known that the only way to dethrone this king was via death.

Still waiting for the punchline? So am I. The race to oust the incumbent FIFA president is underway and Sepp Blatter is laughing his socks off.

Former footballer Luis Figo, Head of Dutch FA Michael van Praag and Prince Ali of Jordan all bid to end of Blatter's reign as FIFA president. They're the latest in a list of optimist to take on that feat - jumping over a hurdle missed by David Ginola and Jerome Champagne - setting off on the campaign trail, kissing babies, and handing out bumper stickers with the words: 'Reform' and 'Change' stitched on them, but baring a miracle their failure is inevitable.

FIFA represent an impenetrable force who've conquered governments, presidents, journalists, ethics investigators, whistleblowers and everything else that's dared to challenge them. Former FA chairman, Lord Treisman once described the sport's arbitrators like a 'mafia family', who 'Don Corleone would have been impressed by', and at the helm of it all is Sepp Blatter. The men together would struggle to take him down, so its ironic that their collective fight for change might just push us towards more of the same, as they split the vote between themselves and inadvertently strengthen Blatter's campaign.

FIFA needs to be torn down before it can rebuild its reputation. It's broke and those inside appear happy not to fix it. Forget ceremonial elections, those serious about seeing things really happen should seek drastic action. Why not push their nations to boycott the next World Cup? Major countries refusing to attend would be The Single Most Powerful Act that would accelerate reform. Nothing else will suffice.

It's the messier more unglamorous fight, but whoever's willing to put themselves forward as the face of it has my backing.