Every night in my dreams, I see you attending our comedy play - Death Ship 666! - that is how I know you will come.
Firstly - congratulations on your pregnancy! I wish you and Ned all the happiness with your imminent bundle of joy.
My name's Michael Clarkson - I'm the director and co-writer of Death Ship 666! - the epic disaster parody play. Alongside my identical nuclear physicist twin Paul, and the genetically unrelated Gemma Hurley, we are Box Step Productions.
After watching Titanic way more than your average 20 somethings should, we felt inspired enough to parody it as our debut theatre production. We took it to the Edinburgh Festival where we sold out every day, turning away crowds trying to see the show.
And now, after copious 5 star reviews, we have received a West End transfer!
"Simply unmissable... this is perfection"
When you wrote to James Cameron every day asking to be considered for Rose, I bet you didn't imagine your own plan being used against you?
But here it is! I've already emailed poor Sophie Austin at Independent Talent, who will unfortunately receive an email from me everyday, encouraging you to attend our show. The emails will have productions stills and quotes from characters - teasers you might say - to entice your attendance. And Sussex isn't that far away from London.
We think you would find it genuinely hilarious, as many others have before you. The humour of "Airplane!" collides with "Titanic", with a dash of "The 39 Steps" and "Book of Mormon".
LINE TEASER 1, Grandma: "I want you to draw me Mr Architect. I want you to draw me like one of your French buildings."
I'll write this up and blog it on the Huffington Post so you can see our trailer for the show as well!
Please come Kate and save us, in every way a person can be saved.