12/08/2015 13:45 BST | Updated 12/08/2016 11:59 BST

Seven Things I'd Tell My Five-Year-Old, Left-Handed Self

Left handed people make up roughly 12% of the world's population. Famous lefties include Albert Einstein, Barack Obama and Jimi Hendrix. Oh and Chewbacca too, who knew?

Heck, they even have a left handers day (which is today, 13 August, by the way).

But considering some of the most well-known people in the world are left handed, life is still difficult for those with a "southpaw". In fact, growing up a leftie was a bloody nightmare in my personal experience.

When I first started writing properly, with those snazzy Berol ink pens they give you at primary school, I would find myself picking up a pen with my left hand and scribbling across the page. From left to right, the normal way.

The only problem was that as I'd move my hand across the page - like we'd been taught in our handwriting lesson - I'd smudge all of my letters and they'd become pretty illegible. It was frustrating to say the least, a real WTF?! moment.

But being the child genius that I was, I developed a way to write "upside down". Basically I'd curve my arm around my writing and hold my pen funny so as not to smudge the letters that I'd spent ages fussing over.

And it worked! Alas, no more smudges.

I was impressed. My mum wasn't. (She thought it was weird and that I'd grow up to become Dr Evil or something.)

After that little incident (read: major life event) I continued down my path of left-handed greatness. Along the way I discovered some leftie wisdom that I'd like to impart to future generations, and my five-year-old self. Here it is:

You know those special yellow and green handled scissors for left-handed people? Yeh? They're shit.

Especially when your school introduces them just as you've mastered the red-handled ones.


Tin openers are equally frustrating. Ring pulls are your friends.


When it comes to exams, your fellow classmates will despise you.

No right-handed, sane person wants to sit and bump elbows with you, leftie.


Learning to use a computer is equally problematic.

Word of advice: learn how to use a mouse with your right hand and life will be sweet. Don't do it and you'll be everyone's favourite pain in the ass.


Prepare for a life of being told: "You're left handed!"

"Oh really? I hadn't noticed."


Also prepare for the inevitable: "You've got neat writing for a leftie."


And because it dominates quite a bit of conversation, stocking up on left-handed facts is a wise move.

Like the fact that in medieval times lefties were thought to be best buds with the devil and considered less intelligent. Pfft.


Keep it real my left-handed companions.