A Christmas Wish: Dear Government, Please Stop Making Everything More Expensive

21/12/2011 23:30 GMT | Updated 20/02/2012 10:12 GMT

I have kept my mouth shut for as long as I could on this subject, mostly because I loathe to even write that ugly, over used word: recession. Because a recession is to do with money. And more specifically, not having enough of it to cover the cost of basic daily life.

And why? Well, because of the greedy, nasty, investment wankers (sorry, bankers) getting souped up bonuses for Christmas, of course!

Lucky them!

This year I got a tax bill... Oooh and the promise that my train fare will rise in the New Year. Oh and because I was really, really good this year, they put up the cost of my car insurance. It doesn't really matter though, because I can't afford to fill my car with petrol anymore. There goes the trip to Cheshire to visit my family at Christmas. But it's fine guys, please don't feel sorry for me, I'll be just as happy at home (my mum's, not mine, ROFL you think I can afford to rent? Or BUY?!) wearing many, many layers, so as to avoid the ever-escalataing price of heating the house over the coldest season of the year. Lucky for me I have youth on my side, If I was an old lady I'd probably freeze to death what with the pension schemes being fiddled as we speak!

Well, at least I'm not working, eh?

Yeah! Every cloud has a silver lining! A bit of time off would do me good... Well, it would have done me good, if I hadn't spent the last month not working, desperately scraping the barrell for more freelance jobs because no-one can afford the holiday cover right now...

There must be some good Christmas telly to watch, you know, take my mind of my ever dwindling funds. Perhaps TOWIE's Xmas special... yes, that will make me feel better because AT LEAST I CAN SPELL LONG WORDS. But what is a long word in comparison to a long number on your bank statement?! NOTHING, I tell you! NOTHING! Even the TOWIE bastards are laughing at me!

No, no, I shouldn't blame them, it's not their fault that schools can't afford to pay their teachers (you know, those people that EDUCATE THE YOUTH OF THIS COUNTRY?) a decent enough wage to teach children to be something... anything but a reality TV star, children that will grow up to be aspirational and not just "well jel..."

Please help me, I can't fix this on my own even if I wanted to. I for one don't want to worry anymore, so it would really help, Mr Media, if you could maybe lay off the scary financial chat for a bit and just let me have my cold, lonely, poor Christmas in peace this year. Oh, unless you have some news to report about the bankers finally being brought down a peg for their ridiculous life styles and bachelor pads. Perhaps a Secret Millionaire inverse Christmas special, where some poor bloke from an estate in Newcastle with a family to feed gets to come to London and demand a million or a property or some cars or all three from whichever unsuspecting, smug, suit-wearing bastard he picks?

And then maybe when it's 2012 (yay, the year of the money sucking Olympics!) we can all make a New Year's resolution together...

Stop making everything more expensive please. We can't afford it.

Prioritise. Don't take the money away from the children, or the elderly, take it away from the rich. Put a tax on all of those ridiculous Candy&Candy 1 Hyde Park homes that are owned (but not lived in, oh no, NEVER lived in) by wealthy foreigners looking for somewhere to store a few spare million. And for God's sake, please recognise that we are TRYING, desperately, to be positive and get on with things.

But if you make it impossible to get to work because our earnings don't cover our rent, heating, electricity, gas, food bill or commute, I'm not sure what we're meant to do.

Sleep forever, the lot of us?