I have just realised that the person who has been feeding me the most bullshit is.....Wait for it....Wait for it....
Me, myself and bloody I!
Oh yes, I had this sudden mummy epiphany this morning whilst rush drying my hair after washing it for the first time this week (seriously forget split ends, my ends have given up and waving the White flag that is stale dry shampoo). I don't know whether it was due to the rush of blood to the head (as the days of sitting up-right and styling my hair in front of an actual mirror are long gone!) or down to the lack of oxygen due to me holding my breath for too long (a recent and subconscious act I've started to do when stressed, rushed or thinking about too many things for my knackered brain to compute). However, whatever the catalyst, there I was, head upside down, brush in hand, realising that the person who has been mugging me off the most is me!
Yes I know, how bloody annoying! I have been drip feeding myself bullshit and haven't even noticed. That is until now. Oh yes, like a bolt of lightning up my post baby derriere came the sudden knowledge that despite everything I am doing to get my hands on the mummy grail of being able to do it all and have the perfectly balanced life I've realised that it is bloody impossible.
For months now I have been wracking my knackered mind trying to figure out the magic formula to having it all and doing everything on my list to make me feel like a good and worthy mum, wife and overall kick ass woman. The list goes something like this; The perfect family life, a successful career that allows me to still be at home with the babies (whilst also earning enough money to keep them in baby grows). Great body (OK so let's change that to a good body or at least one I'm not too scared to show off with the lights on), successful blog, great skin, toned arms, buzzing social life, date nights, play dates, friendly network of mum friends, did I mention toned arms? And so the never ending list of personal challenges and mummy life goals that I set myself daily goes on and on and on.....Is it any bloody wonder my head is ready to explode?!
And then the moment of truth hit.
The simplicity of it is pure genius and has left me feeling lighter on my feet and wondering why the hell haven't I realised before that we can't have it all and we certainly can't do it all, so we should just stop trying and go eat a Hobnob. Seriously! (Preferably washed down with a large glass of Pinot G)
God, it's refreshing to realise that we're not hopeless mums, underachieving on the maternal and let's face it, life-in-general front and that the reason we are not achieving our impossible list of goals is because they are exactly that - impossible.
So where the hell does that leave me and any other fellow mum out there who are using these indicators as benchmarks for assessing our lives and self-worth?
We and by "we" I mean me and any other mum who any of this is resonating with, need to face up to the impossibility of doing all of our "Must do" things. We need to be ballsy and realise that by admitting we can't have and do it all, we are not being defeatist or "failing! Instead, by applying this "Can't do" attitude to our lives and streamlining our ambitions we will not only feel better about ourselves but also, ironically, achieve a hell of a lot more.
It's about time we faced up to the fact that in order to have a full and happy life we have to start giving some of the impossible stuff a big heave-ho! Yes, some things have to be given up. Yes, something as boring as compromise has to be made and yes, somewhere along the line we need to start being kinder to ourselves. Not very rock and roll but God it feels good to strip back to the things that really matter and make us feel validated not just as mums but as bloody human beings.
The way I see it is that if we actually want to feel good about ourselves and like we are achieving then we need to be cool with not achieving everything and having it all. Take me for instance and my list of daily pressures I feel a "failure" for if I haven't fulfilled; I want to spend quality time with both of my girls, I want to have quality time with my hubby, I want a successful career, I want to publish my book, I want to build The Baby Bible brand, I want "me" time, I want a fit and strong body, I want a healthy mind, I want quality time with my girlfriends, I want to go to a variety of baby classes and toddler classes, I want to decorate the house, I want to be on top of the housework, I want to have a freezer full of purees, I want to go on holiday, I want feet that don't look like dinosaurs, I want to dress like the stylish mums in the magazines. "I want, I want, I want", has soon turned into "I have to" and unless I have, then I have failed.
I have been telling myself for WAY too long now that I need to be performing at 100% on all these cylinders to feel happy and fulfilled. I need to be good, no "GGGRRRREAT!" at all of them to feel validated and this will in turn mean I am a good mum, a sexy wife and a shit hot entrepreneur. OMG someone please hit me around the face with a shitty nappy! Who have I been trying to kid? That is what I have been muttering to myself ever since the hairdryer epiphany. After all, who the hell has the time, energy, will power and enough hours in the day to be performing on all these levels at 100% for a 100% of the time?
NO ONE - That's bloody who!
I have therefore decided that I am de-cluttering and have instead picked just three areas I want to concentrate at rocking at; My family & friends, my career, and my health. These are my new goals and my new ambitions and the rest can quite simply "do one!".....
(Well, for now at least!)