The Blog

Just Let Them Eat the Mother F*****g Cake!

Yes, we have to teach our Tiny Humans boundaries. Yes we have to teach them right from wrong. Yes we have to be their guides. And, yes sometimes we just have to let them eat the Mother f***G cake!

Just let them eat the mother f*****g cake.....

The chocolate bar, the ridiculously fizzy sweets the bloody strawberry ice cream.



WHATEVER IT TAKES TO just stop the blood curlding screams and the uncosolable and uncontrollable hissy fit they have decided to drop you in the middle of because you dared to utter the words "No darling!".

Cue me, standing in the middle of our local park, my 20 month old contained in a swing and my three year old contained in nothing but the fact that she wanted a strawberry ice cream RIGHT NOW. Not after a lovely trip around the park playing on all her fave things, running free with the toddler bliss of wind and sunshine blowing through her locks BUT RIGHT NOW and if I didn't hear her demands the first time, by God she was going to ensure that by the end of it myself and all the other mums and (as sods bloody law would have it) their sweetly playing children, were going to hear about it. And boy did they!

How do such tiny people have the lung capacity to scream none stop for, quite literally, forever? And not just any old scream but those deep seated "I-have-a-demon-in-my-throat-who-is-gonna-fuck-you-up-if-you-dont-do-as-I-desire" kind of scream! I was stood there looking at my beautiful little girl as she was screaming the place down, stamping her feet and throwing herself against anything she could and thinking "Shit, what the hell do I do now?!" and "God I could do with a glass of wine and a gin chaser!".

These end-of-the-world-is-nigh type tantrums are a ball breaker of emotions. They consume you with a mix of sorrow that your little one is so upset, blood boiling fury that they are being totally unreasonable and utter bewilderment at what the bloody hell you are supposed to do to just make it stop. I have to say it was one of the biggest battle of wills me and my three year old have had to date. Even saying these words out loud makes me feel like a ridiculous loon. Leaving me questioning how the hell can I be in battle with a THREE Year old, I am the adult, I am in charge and therefore she will do as I say! PAH what a load of bullshit!

Despite repeating this to myself on what should of been a 5 minute walk back to the car but actually took 30 mins, via my Tiny Human hanging off a park bench, screaming "NO, NO NO" and then grunting at a rose bush, it didn't work at convincing myself that I was anything like in control. There I was with my 20 month old under my arm (as I stupidly chose not to bring the buggy so couldn't even keep one of them strapped in) walking nonchalantly a la "What that screaming child? No, nothing to do with me!" back to the car with my three year old walking as far behind me as her fears would allow and screaming blue bloody murder for strawberry ice cream. By the time I managed to get them back to the car, safe but still screaming, I was in such a state of defeat and on the brink of actual adult tears that a stranger got out of his car (yes out of his car!!), and offered to help!

I returned home, my nerves on the brink of despair, feeling like a shit mum because I at one pointed shouted at her to "STOP CRRYYYIIINNNGGGGGGGG!!!!" and wanting to drown myself in a vat of gin but knowing I had to battle on as I still had tea, bath and bed to get through. Both me and my three year old were exhausted and totally spent.

So, was standing my ground and being firm worth all the upset? Or should I just have given her the strawberry ice cream?

At the time I thought I was doing the right thing, teaching her that she cant get what she wants, when she wants just because she screams the place down. However, in hind sight I'm not so sure....I think I could have handled it better...I think this could have been one of those battles that I should have chosen to side step....I mean I was ok with her having a treat after school so why the hell did I not just take her to the shop, buy her the strawberry bloody ice cream and we could then have had a scream free trip to the park. Ohhh the beauty of hindsight!

As mums we don't always get it right....We don't always pick the right battles, we don't always know the best way to handle a situation. But, you know what? It's ok! Its fast dawning on me that just because we are mums and just because we have grown eyelashes, brains and tiny hearts doesn't mean we have all the answers and doesn't mean we have our shit together all of the time (if ever!).

Yes, we have to teach our Tiny Humans boundaries. Yes we have to teach them right from wrong. Yes we have to be their guides. And, yes sometimes we just have to let them eat the Mother f***G cake!

(Oh and for the record... when we got home I gave her strawberry ice cream!)

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